This article is for men who want to give online dating a try during lockdown (or whenever).

I decided to write this article because I keep seeing a very common mistake that guys make with online dating. It’s arguably the most important step that they are getting wrong, too!

Most guys give online dating a try at some point. Using online dating during lockdown is a particularly good opportunity to meet women who might not usually have the time or inclination to use online dating, but they’ve decided to finally give it a go out of boredom. In my experience as a dating coach for men, very few men ever seem to master online dating. What this means is they experience problems such as:

• They won’t match many (or any) women through online dating (or at least not the ones they want).
• If they do match women, they don’t get past the first few messages and the women stop messaging back.
• They end up with a useless set of matches, no dates, and no relationship opportunities.
• They get blown away by the fierce competition in the crowded online dating scene.
• Essentially they are wasting so many opportunities!

Does this sound familiar? :/

I know this because we teach our Legends Academy clients our Legendary Texting & Online Dating System as part of our full training, and also offer it as a separate training, and it’s been great to see so many of our clients having success with online dating while they’ve been locked down.

A review from a client using the Legendary Texting & Online Dating Training inside the Natural Attraction Blueprint Online Training from The Legends Academy

But some of our clients still make common mistakes when they are first learning our system. So let me see if I can help you avoid some of the biggest online dating mistakes with this article.

Our Texting & Online Dating System has 3 steps. We call it our ‘BAM System’, which stands for:

1. Bait – How to create a profile that gets lots of matches.
2. Attract – How to make an opening message that gets a response and have a fun and flirty conversation.
3. Meet – How to set up a date with the women you like.

There’s obviously a lot more to it than that, but overall, the principle is pretty simple, right?

So as you can see, the first part of the BAM System is to create a great profile (bait), that makes women want to match with you so you can have a conversation and see where it leads. I’m going to tell you in this article how to avoid one of the biggest mistakes guys make in their online dating profiles.

If you don’t get this part right, nothing else matters, because you won’t have any women to chat to. From speaking to thousands of guys about dating, I get the impression that this is MOST men’s experience of online dating. To the point that many of them think that online dating is a pointless exercise and a waste of time. This upsets me. Because usually it’s just because they’ve never been shown how to use online dating properly. In my experience, once someone learns how to use online dating properly, they start to get much better results. To the point where they start having these sort of problems…

Results from using The Legendary Texting & Online Dating Program from The Legends Academy

So what’s the common mistake that guys are making in their online dating profile?

So my main point is (and it frustrates me how many times I need to say this haha) that LESS is MORE when it comes to online dating profiles!

NOW…SOME dating apps/websites REQUIRE you to fill out compulsory fields. But only do this to the ABSOLUTE MINIMUM extent that you need to.

Are you a man who feels like you’ve been taken advantage of by women?

If the answer’s “Yes”, or even if you just want to make sure you won’t be ‘walked over’ or ‘used’ by women in the future, then keep reading and check out the video above…

In this article, and video from our YouTube channel, I’m going to talk about what’s actually going on in terms of the social or relationship dynamics at play when girls are able to take advantage of guys, and also how you can avoid being taken advantage of by women in the future. Sound good?

Most men don’t realise that whether or not women can take advantage of you usually comes down to your own personal boundaries. So it’s not always purely about the woman, although they may of course play some role.

If you’re a guy who’s been mistreated by a woman in the past, your ability to at least consider the previous sentence above is often the difference between whether or not you will successfully avoid women taking advantage of you again in the future. So stick with me here, and let me explain.

How does being taken advantage of by women happen to men?

There’s an old expression which says “Give them an inch and they’ll take a mile”. This is referring to is the nature of humans to get away with as much as you let them. This applies to both men and women. So people will push and take as far as they can until they meet a boundary which stops them. Often we don’t actually know where the boundaries are until we reach them, or in some cases, when we cross those boundaries. That’s how we actually find out where boundaries are. For example, think back to when you were a kid and you would misbehave to test your parents resolve.

Firstly, problems of taking advantage/being taken advantage of arise in a relationship (or even a friendship) when someone doesn’t realise that they are responsible for choosing and enforcing their own personal boundaries.

The second thing is when someone also doesn’t have the skills or confidence to enforce their personal boundaries.

At The Legends Academy, we teach our dating clients something called ‘The Superhero Mindset’. This teaches men how to communicate to women confidently and attractively. Personal boundaries are a huge part of this.

How and why women change their behaviour depending on the man they are with

What I’ve personally discovered from my experiences dating many beautiful women, and through coaching thousands of men, is that women will often tailor, modify or change their behavior depending on the man they’re with (and depending on their mood, but that’s a whole other topic!).

So for example, if a woman is with a guy who is confident, who has had strong personal boundaries, and who has high standards, she will bring her ‘A-Game’ to her interactions with him. She’ll be on her best behavior. She’ll be elegant and charming, she’ll be punctual, she’ll offer to contribute to bills for expenses etc. I’ve had many experiences like this where beautiful women I was dating would buy me gifts, dinner, drinks, they would chauffeur me around etc.

Now, on the other hand, with a more ‘provider-style’ sort of ‘beta-male’ guy, who doesn’t really have a
strong sense of reality, or who isn’t very confident, women will often be a bit more bratty. They’ll have characteristics that are not as nice and they won’t treat the guy as well. And sadly, for the most part, this is because the guy simply allows them to get away with it. This is often done in a way where the guy somewhat sets the expectation that it’s ok for the woman to take advantage of him.

So for example, whenever they go to dinner, he always insists on paying, so she’ll let him pay. Or if they’re out together and he’s buying her gifts, she’ll let him buy those things for her. Or if she asks him to chauffeur her around, he’s going to do it without hesitation. Or if she bosses him around, or if she’s grumpy and so on, he’s going to let her
do all these things. He’s rarely (or never) going to stand up for himself and say something like, “Hey, come on, I don’t think that’s fair”.

As humans, rightly or wrongly, we often interpret the lack of any objection to mean that everything is acceptable.

So because there is no objection from the guy, and because he keeps doing everything she asks of him, she’s just going to keep doing it, and basically allowing her to treat him this way.

Can you relate to this?

Why do men allow women to treat them badly or to disrespect them?

The reason so many men allow women to treat them like this is because, sadly, a lot of guys believe that if they aren’t accommodating of the woman’s behaviour, eg, if they don’t continue to:

• buy women things
• pay for everything
• buy them gifts
• be super nice and complimentary
• put up with her bratty behaviour, bossiness etc…

That the woman will lose interest, be put off, and that she’ll ultimately leave him. Men often believe this sort of this because it’s they way relationships are so often portrayed in media, movies and so on. For instance, we’re told that it’s up to the guys to buy everything, and the guy has to be so nice to her and win her affections etc.

So often this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because if the man ever stops buying her stuff because he gets to the point where he’s sick of being walked over and she’s not contributing and so on, she often will actually leave because the ‘river of good times’ has dried up, and because the man hadn’t ever actually cultivated any genuine connection with her. Their whole interaction was founded on him funding their activities, buying her nice things, complimenting her and so on.

Also, even if he does keep buying her things, because he may believe that the only thing about him that she’s
interested in is that, then she will often realise that as well. So even if she enjoyed the gifts and wining and dining and compliments and so on, if the man then tries to advance things towards intimacy, this can force her to realise that there’s not enough substance to his character for her to respect and be attracted to him. And as a result of that, she will lose interest and give up on him.

Going further still, and this is really really unusual to the point where you are going to probably be a bit upset
when you find this out. Girls will often actually keep around them the guys with that weak reality and that sort of undefined and poorly enforced personal boundaries. They sometimes keep these guys in their orbit as a sort of ‘sponsor’ as it were. So they’ll keep these men in their social circle, they’ll keep going out for dinners with them and so on, just to sort of keep the guy in the loop. Because they obviously enjoy the aspect of having things bought for them. They enjoy having a guy around who pumps their emotional state with compliments and gifts because it makes them feel good about themselves.

BUT, this doesn’t always mean this type of arrangement will lead to intimacy. In fact, more often than not, it doesn’t, and it instead leads to the dreaded ‘Friend Zone’. This used to happen to me too before I learned how to become my most confident and attractive self. By the way, if this has happened to you, you can learn how to get out of the friend zone here.

The two different roles women play depending on the man they’re with

As an example of what I described above, I’ll give you an example. There was a time when one of my girlfriends happened to be an especially beautiful woman (she was literally a fashion model).  She had so many guys wanting to buy her things and take her out all the time, and we’d sometimes talk about this. In one conversation, she told me that, if she wanted to, she could be taken out to the finest restaurants in town every night of the week by and endless queue of different guys who were lining up to date her. She’d be able to get wined and dined at no expense to herself and get showered with compliments and gifts.

For instance, I remember being at her place when she’d been given the latest flat-screen TV, and the latest smartphone at no cost, by guys who she just called “friends”. She literally had so many guys trying to buy her things and be nice to her and trying to get her attracted to them that she would actually not have to pay for anything at all if she didn’t want to. So she could basically have her whole, really nice lifestyle funded for her by these guys that were trying to date her and get her interested in them.

I’ve dated a lot of beautiful women over the years and they often they live in that same sort of universe (to varying degrees) where they have this option available to them. Where men will be lining up to give them everything they want, even when they don’t have to reciprocate that in return. Now in fairness, for the most part, those girls didn’t seem to take advantage of it even though they certainly could have. In fact, a lot of them actually hated it and they were often turned-off by this type of supplicatory behaviour.

That being said, what many of these beautiful women I dated would do is they’d keep these ‘sponsor’ guys who were buying them everything in the ‘friend zone’. They would go out and get wined and dined by their ‘sponsor’. They’d feel really great. Then they would say “good night” to their ‘sponsor’ guy, and then they’d ring me up and say “Oh hey, what are you up to? You want to catch up?”. And then her and I would end up spending intimate time together and dating in a romantic capacity.

It was at a point where I would I would kind of feel sorry for the guys that were being used as the ‘sponsor’ and funding these girls. Because often these guys are doing their best but they just don’t know that there is another option available if they learn about how dating works. But the truth is I used to be one of those guys! I used to be the one that thought I had to buy them everything and so on. That was the way I used to think you had act to get girls attracted to you.

How to avoid being used and taken advantage of by women

If you want to avoid being walked over and taken advantage of by beautiful women in the future, the first thing you’ll need to do is take personal responsibility for learning and practicing the qualities of being the most confident and naturally attractive version of yourself. This includes leaving behind those crappy old behaviors and beliefs that are responsible for any previous poor results.

The second thing you’ll need to do is start to live and abide by the following mantra:

“I decide what behavior I do or do not accept from other people”.

You are the one deciding, at any point in time, what behavior you do and don’t accept from people. So if for instance a girl’s being bratty to you etc, it’s up to you to exercise your personal boundaries and to call her out on it. You don’t need to make it a rude or aggressive confrontation. It could be something as simple as non-compliance, eg:

Her: “So how about you pick me up tomorrow morning and drive me to work?”
You: “No, that doesn’t work for me in the morning. Maybe we can catch up another time that works better.”

Or if she suggests going out for dinner and you paid last time, you might say, “Sure. Especially as it must be your buy this time…”

(You can learn more about the topic of ‘who pays?’ and how to exercise your personal boundaries in this video and article)

Lastly, in my experience, being taken advantage of rarely comes down to the girls. Even if you’ve been taken advantage of by women in the past, the same women would have acted differently if you had met them when you had
strong boundaries. Just like a naughty kid won’t respect someone who doesn’t keep them in line, women don’t respect men who let themselves be pushed around by women. Women can’t take advantage of you unless you let them. And if they continue to disrespect you, if you never see or contact them again, how can they continue to take advantage of you?

What I’ve just been talking about has been heavily, heavily summarised to avoid this article turning into a novel. I could literally talk for at least a day on this topic alone, because it’s such a huge thing. I know for myself when I was overcoming this that it was a huge turning point for me.

I hope this helped you like it helped me when I learned these things. If it helped you, and if you think it could help a friend, too, please share this with them.

Thanks for reading!

Ben Alexander

So would you like to be our next success story?

We’d love to chat with you about your situation and see if or how we can help you get the life you deserve, so if you’d like to know more, please Contact Us today and we can have a quick chat.

Click here for More Dating Tips Videos & Articles

If you’ve ever been rejected before like I have, you’ll know how much being rejected sucks.

Most of the guys I work with have a big fear of rejection when I first meet them. This often causes them to miss out on dating and relationship opportunities altogether as they try to avoid any situation where they could be rejected.

The problem with this all too common ‘solution’ to avoiding rejection is it also means they are avoiding the situations where they could be successful and meet the women they truly desire, right?

If you hate being rejected, then I’ve got some bad news for you first, and then some good news to make it all better. Now why would I want to give you bad news about rejection?

Because I would prefer to tell you what you need to hear, rather than what you want to hear, because that’s the only way I can really help you. Is that fair?

So first, here’s the bad news: Unfortunately, rejection is a part of life, and there is no way to completely avoid it.

There! I said it! A lot of dating coaches won’t tell you the truth about rejection because they want to try and sell you a program that ‘100% guarantees that you can avoid rejection’. Then you get a horrible shock when you find out that your magical program doesn’t deliver as promised, and can often end up feeling worse, than if you knew the truth about rejection from the beginning.

This is sounding pretty horrible so far isn’t it!? We let’s get into the good news now then!

Although there is no way to completely avoid rejection, what you can do is become much better at dealing with rejection, so it no longer has the negative effect on you, or at least its effect is drastically reduced. If you don’t learn how to deal with being rejected you’re in for a tough ride. That’s why it’s so important to learn how to handle rejection like a pro. Sound good? Read on.

The ‘R Word’

The problem with the word ‘rejection’ is it assumes that someone was not good enough for another person. It assumes that one person has the power to make the determination about the quality, value, worth or attractiveness and so on of another person.

Any person of course has the right to decide for any reason that they don’t like or are not attracted to another person. But that decision doesn’t in any way alter the value or worth of the person they don’t like or are not attracted to.

For example, if there are two coffee shops next to each other, and I choose to visit one over the other, that doesn’t necessarily mean that I rejected one of the coffee shops, or that it is a lesser option. It just means I have a preference of one over the other. There could even be another person who chooses the other coffee shop and who doesn’t like the one that I prefer. Again, their choice doesn’t mean that my coffee shop is a lesser option.

This first important distinction makes you realise the difference between being rejected and someone just exercising their right to choose their preference. When someone exercises their right to inform us that we are not their preferred romantic partner, we now have a choice as to how we interpret and react to their response.

Giving Your Power Away

Who decides whether or not you were rejected? Most people have never considered this question and consequently it’s the source of so much suffering for so many people. Suffering which is actually self-inflicted. Here’s why.

When you choose one coffee shop over another, the coffee shop that wasn’t chosen doesn’t start getting emotional and blaming itself for its failure to be a good enough coffee shop. It doesn’t take it personally.

But when a person isn’t chosen, or is declined by another, they often take it personally and interpret it as an attack. Or as being told they are lacking in some way. Some people lash out verbally and even physically. Some break down in tears. Others scurry away to hide and sulk and lick their wounds. They continue to play the scenario over and over again in their minds and torment themselves over how they possibly could have said or done something different to have been accepted instead of being turned away. Have you ever done this?

In this moment, you have given away the power of determining your own self worth to another person. You have allowed their reaction to you to be the deciding factor on how you feel about yourself. It is in this process that you are actually rejecting yourself!

Take Back Control

Many people get stuck in approval-seeking behaviours. They are constantly trying to please other people, and they are constantly micro-managing or modifying their words and behaviours, to try and elicit a positive response in the people they are trying to impress. Men are especially guilty of trying to impress women they are attracted to.

Not only is this behaviour fake (because it’s changing your personality to try and impress someone) but it’s also most often at the expense of the person who is trying to impress. They lose their sense of who they really are as they create a fluid personality that is constantly changing to try and please others. It’s also mentally and emotionally exhausting to be constantly ‘walking on eggshells’ around people when you are trying to say and do everything ‘perfectly’ to stay in favour with the people they are trying to impress.

Instead of giving away control over your sense of self-approval to other people’s reactions towards you, choose to instead take back your sense of self-approval. Give yourself permission to feel good about yourself as you are. Allow other people’s thoughts and opinions of you to be secondary to your thoughts and opinions about yourself.

In doing this, you take back control of how you feel about yourself. You release yourself from the uncertainty of other people’s reaction to you. And you can finally be free to operate in a manner in alignment with your own values and happiness.

You can then meet as many people as you like knowing that some will find you appealing and others won’t, but all the time, your self worth remains the same, regardless of the opinions of others.

Thanks for reading!

Ben Alexander

So would you like to be our next success story?

We’d love to chat with you about your situation and see if and how we can help you get the life you deserve, so if you’d like to know more, please Contact Us today and we can have a quick chat.

Click for More Dating Tips Videos & Articles

Have you ever fallen for someone you can’t have?

Maybe someone who’s already in a relationship or married?

Or maybe someone who you really like but they just don’t like you back?

Or maybe someone who you are stuck in the ‘friend zone‘ with?

Or maybe someone who lives far away in another city or even country so it makes relationship success highly unlikely?

So what will you learn from this video & article?

1. Why we sometimes fall for people we can’t have
2. How falling for someone you can’t have can sometimes be self-sabotage
3. How to avoid falling for people you can’t have in the future

And as usual… much MUCH more 🙂

WARNING: This video and article is not for people who are determined to stay stuck and miserable pining after someone they can’t have. It’s for people who want to understand and resolve that situation so they can have a happier and healthier life.

Why do you fall for someone you can’t have?

The reason you fall for someone you can’t have is because you convince yourself that the person you are stuck on is your only chance, or your best chance, or your best option.

Now as much as the above might feel or seem very true, or very real, I want you to consider this just in case you’ve got it wrong:

If you could easily meet amazing people, anywhere, all of the time, would you still use your time, energy, resources and emotions to pursue someone who you couldn’t have?

Really think about that for a second…

Because, if you could easily meet other amazing people all the time, then it would be kind of ridiculous to spend so much time, energy, resources and emotions on someone who you either cannot have, or that doesn’t want you back…right?

Because you would simply go out and meet 10 other amazing people and quickly forget about the other person you couldn’t have…right?

“But it’s not that simple!” you say! “This person is different! I can’t find anyone else like this person! You just don’t understand! If they just knew who I really am! They are with the wrong person! This is TRUE love! This is unique! This is meant to be!” you say…

Really?

So long as you continue to convince yourself that this person is your only or best option or chance, and continue to force something that is never going to work out, then you will continue to stay stuck on that person who you can’t have.

That belief is the primary source of all of your current pain, agony, suffering, frustration etc. So how many more minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years do you want to keep hanging on to it?

Are you addicted to a feeling you get when you are around the person you can’t have?

Sometimes the first time we experienced the feeling of love or excitement etc was when we were with the person we are suck on who we can’t have. Although in truth, we could create these feelings all the time by ourselves simply by allowing ourselves to do so. This can be learned if you don’t know how, and it’s the same thing you do when you pine after that person when they are not actually there.

The problem is when we falsely associate the creation of those chemicals to a certain person. We start to feel in a very real way that the only way we can get that feeling again is to have that person around. If it was only possible to feel those feelings for a certain person, then how can other people have been in love multiple times and with different people? Or how can people all over the world love different people?

Feelings can become addictive. Because feelings cause chemicals to be released in our bodies, and our body begins to expect those same chemicals. If those chemicals aren’t present, we ‘don’t feel ourselves’ and we seek to create them again. It can sometimes take a bit of training before your body gets used to not having those feelings anymore, or till it learns to create them independently of other people being involved.

Are you sabotaging yourself?

Some people unconsciously (meaning you aren’t consciously aware you are doing it) look for situations that have a low or zero chance of working out.

Sounds crazy? Why would someone do this?

By finding someone who is unavailable and a situation with a low chance of success, you can keep your ego intact if it doesn’t work out.

Meaning, if you found someone who was available and it didn’t work out, then you might have to face the feeling of rejection or not being good enough. So by choosing a person who is unavailable, you always have an excuse as to why you ‘didn’t fail’ and how ‘it wasn’t your fault’.

On an even deeper level, some people unconsciously (again, not consciously or intentionally) have an identity of not being worthy or not deserving the person they want.

If you believe you are unworthy, you will go out and look for evidence of your beliefs being true. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy. Finding a person or situation where you cannot receive what you want allows your need to feel unworthy to be fulfilled.

Where would such a belief of unworthiness come from? It’s hard to say exactly without having a consultation with you, but likely causes include things such as:

• Your upbringing. Where the way you were treated by people you loved when growing up led you to believe you were undeserving, and therefore you started to believe that to feel love, you need to feel undeserving or unworthy.
• Or you observed others (such as a parent) in a relationship where they were neglected or mistreated, and so you started to learn or believe that love meant being unworthy or being neglected.

So how do you fix this self-sabotage?

Having a good coach who can teach you how to understand how you have created this problem, and then who can teach you how to consciously train your mind to create a happier, healthier experience of life.

How do you avoid falling for people you can’t have?

Firstly, make it a priority to observe the belief you have that the person you are stuck on is your only chance, or your best chance, or your best option. Create doubt about this being true. A great place to start would be to consider the following:

• Have you ever had a crush or loved someone before and then now you don’t feel the same way about that person?
• Have you ever had a friend you used to have that you don’t spend time with anymore?
• Have you ever had a food or drink you used to always have that you no longer eat or drink?
• Have you ever had a place you always used to go but now you never go there anymore?

If you have changed any of the above or similar before, then you can change this too! 🙂

Secondly, arguably the main problem that’s caused this situation is a complete lack of other good options. Most people don’t have the ability to easily and regularly meet other great people. Developing the confidence and social skills to be able to meet other amazing people, anywhere, anytime will allow you to do this. When you can do this, you are no longer limited to being stuck on someone you can’t have. You will even regularly meet people who are MORE compatible for you than the person you were stuck on, PLUS they will be available and interested in you as well!

At The Legends Academy we teach our clients how to meet any girl, anywhere, so for example:

• If she’s walking down the street
• At the supermarket
• At the gym
• In a bar or a nightclub
• At the beach…

Or wherever happen to see her, and also:

• If she’s by herself or with some friends
• Sitting down or standing
• Walking or running
• Even if she’s wearing headphones!

Some Legends Academy Clients Meeting Women On One Of Our ‘Infield Trainings’

And so that means our clients have a massive advantage as they have:

• An unlimited amount of opportunities armed with how to meet any woman, anywhere
• The ability to create an opportunity whenever and wherever they choose
• The confidence and skills to do it

Just imagine for a second what that would be like? To have the confidence and skills to meet any woman, anywhere, any time? How many more options would that give you? And how much more chance would you have of finding a highly compatible partner?

You can see what our clients say in our testimonials section if you want some idea of what that looks like, but we LITERALLY have clients complaining that they have:

• Too many phone numbers to follow up
• Too many girls messaging them
• Too many dates
• Not enough time to see all of the girls who want to spend time with them
• They are struggling to choose their favourite girl from amongst all of their options
• Struggling to choose between an amazing dating life or an amazing relationship

And so on. REALLY!

So would you like (better) problems like this and to be our next success story?

We’d love to chat with you about your situation and see if and how we can help you get the life you deserve, so if you’d like to know more, please Contact Us today and we can have a quick chat.

Thanks for reading!

Ben Alexander

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Do you know how to meet any woman, anywhere?

Although you may think knowing how to meet any women anywhere isn’t necessary (or you may think it’s awesome!),  if you’re a man in today’s world, it’s actually more important than ever!

I start by asking the audience, “How many women do you know through your social circle, through friends of friends or through work?” (Facebook friends don’t count as real friends haha!)

And the overwhelming majority reply with anything between 5 to 100 women. So for today’s demo, let’s take the average of that and say maybe you just happen to know 50 women through your social circle and through work (you can adjust that number for your own situation if you wish). So I then draw that number at the top of the board (watch the video at the top if you want to see me do this demo for you).

And then I ask them ,”Of these 50 women, how many of them are in the age range you’d actually date?”

And then they say, “I don’t know, maybe half of them or so?” and so that leaves about 25 women.

And then I ask them, “Of these 25 women that are in your age range, how many of them are you actually physically attracted to?”

And they say, “Oh, I dunno, maybe half of them?” and so that takes us down to 12 and a half women (if that’s even possible haha!).

And then I ask them, “So of these 12 and a half women that are left, how many of them are actually still single?” and many say “None!”, but let’s not be too pessimistic, so let’s just say maybe half of them might still be single. So that leaves somewhere around six women.

And then I say, “Okay, so of those six that are left, how come it hasn’t worked with it out with them already? How many of them have you already had a go with? How many of them can you actually even see yourself dating long term? And how many of them are you maybe already in the friend zone with? So how many does that leave?”

The room is typically very quiet by this stage, and you usually get a few mumbles of “I don’t know, maybe none?” or “One or two or so?”

But let’s not be too stingy here, and let’s just say maybe there are two or three left out of the 50 we started with.

And so these two or three women that are left are typically what you’re limiting yourself to if you don’t know how to meet any woman, anywhere.

I’m sure you’ll agree that the chances of those few women just happening to be highly compatible for you are extremely slim! Even in a typical episode of ‘The Batchelor’ the guy seems to have many more options than that, and he still seems to struggle to find a highly compatible girl amongst them all!

When faced with this situation, most men simply ‘settle’ and take what’s on offer, believing that it’s the best it’s going to get. In fact, this is what I used to do myself!

So what does this mean? Are you destined to suffer a life of loneliness or unfulfilled relationships with incompatible partners?

That’s surely something worth thinking about.

How many MORE options does a man who can meet any women, anywhere have?

Some Legends Academy clients meeting women on one of our Live ‘Infield Trainings’

At The Legends Academy we teach our clients how to meet any girl, anywhere, so for example:

• If she’s walking down the street
• At the supermarket
• In a bar or a nightclub
• At the beach…

Or wherever happen to see her, and also:

• If she’s by herself or with some friends
• Sitting down or standing
• Walking or running
• Even if she’s wearing headphones!

And so that means our clients have a massive advantage as they have:

• An unlimited amount of opportunities armed with how to meet any woman, anywhere
• The ability to create an opportunity whenever and wherever they choose
• The confidence and skills to do it

Just imagine for a second what that would be like? To have the confidence and skills to meet any woman, anywhere, any time? How many more options would that give you? And how much more chance would you have of finding a highly compatible partner?

You can see what our clients say in our testimonials section if you want some idea of what that looks like, but we LITERALLY have clients complaining that they have:

• Too many phone numbers to follow up
• Too many girls messaging them
• Too many dates
• Not enough time to see all of the girls who want to spend time with them
• They are struggling to choose their favourite girl from amongst all of their options
• Struggling to choose between an amazing dating life or an amazing relationship

And so on. REALLY!

So would you like (better) problems like this and to be our next success story?

We’d love to chat with you about your situation and see if and how we can help you get the life you deserve, so if you’d like to know more, please Contact Us today and we can have a quick chat.

Thanks for reading!

Ben Alexander

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I get lots of overweight or ‘fat’ guys coming along to my events because they want to know how fat guys can be attractive or how fat guys can get a girlfriend.

It’s always interesting to me because, although fat or overweight men consider their weight to be the reason they are unable to attract the women they want, they actually have the same problem as a guy who believes he’s not rich enough, or not good looking enough, or not tall enough and so on has.

Why use the title ‘How fat guys can be more attractive’? Isn’t that rude/mean/politically incorrect/judgemental etc?

Before I go any further, I know I’ll probably get comments from people claiming I’m politically incorrect/offensive/judgemental/rude etc for using the title ‘how fat guys can be attractive’, and who will therefore assume those things about me before fully reading this article or fully watching the associated video above. But there is a very good reason for this! I used it because ‘how fat guys can be attractive’ was one of the top auto-complete search terms on Google (try it!), which suggests to me that lots of overweight guys must be searching for help in this area, and this should hopefully make this article and video easier for them to find.

It’ll therefore also make it easier for them to get the love, support and encouragement they deserve, which is the intention of this video, and my intention for the gentleman who asked the question at my live event where the above video was filmed. Please watch all the way to the end of the video to get the full message and hear the gentleman who asked the question say “thank you” when he could tell I genuinely wanted to help, as I want to help all men who struggle with dating, regardless of their difficulty.

Where did the ‘How fat guys can be attractive?’ question come from?

When my speaking events finish, I frequently offer to take questions from people who choose to stay behind to ask me questions. Some people scurry off but many people stay back and ask me questions or listen to other people’s questions and hear the answers. At an event in Melbourne Australia, I was asked a very sincere question by an overweight man which really struck me and made me want to do everything I could to help. This was his (paraphrased) question:

“I’m not looking for a woman my size, but to get someone who’s probably not my physicality, but still attractiveness, but this is me at the end of the day, I’m not gonna go to the gym, I’m not going to try…I feel this is me. I’ve accepted myself for who I am.”

As he asked the question, he frequently referred to the fact that he was overweight, and seemed to strongly believe that his weight and appearance were the biggest obstacle to him being attractive and finding a girlfriend.

So how can fat guys be more attractive?

Although there are women who are specifically attracted to fat or overweight men, to limit yourself to dating these women could very much narrow the chances for an overweight man to find a suitable partner, and it’s not the question I was asked by the gentleman who inspired this article. Even before addressing the cause of being fat/overweight and looking at ways to get an overweight man back to a healthy weight and physique, there are still many things fat men can do to be more attractive to women.

Things like:

• Learning how to be more confident
• Working on your communications skills
• Learning How to have good body language
• Learning how to be better at talking to women
• Learning about female psychology
• Dressing really well
• Being really well groomed
• Learning How to avoid making the common dating mistakes that most men make

And so on and so on…

However, this is never going to be as effective or long lasting as combining ALL of the above techniques with treating the true cause of the issue. In addition, treating the true cause can often auto-correct a lot of the above as well. As I said at the top of this article, the thought process to arrive at the incorrect conclusion that ‘fat guys are not attractive’ is the EXACT same thought process that a guy who believes he’s not rich enough, or not good looking enough, or not tall enough, or not the right racial background and so on goes through to arrive at their own limiting conclusions. So let’s look at how that works.

Above is a simple diagram that explains how our thoughts and our beliefs create our life experience. We actually use this same mental process when we aren’t getting the results we want in life as when we are happy with our results. What? But how could that be?

Let me explain…(we gotta get a little nerdy here so you can understand, but I promise it’s worth it so keep reading)…

Our mind has an unconscious mechanism (which means we don’t even realise we are doing it!) that always looks for evidence that our current beliefs are accurate.

The intention of this is to stop us going crazy, but it can have unintended negative consequences if we don’t know about it.

Here’s an example of it working:

An atheist and a person who believes in God both believe they are right about their belief. Because of their belief, they both look for evidence of their belief being correct, and their brains find evidence that supports their belief and makes them highly aware of it, and it hides or downplays evidence that undermines or conflicts with their belief. The result is a ‘reality’ or life-experience that fits with their expectation and their belief:

• The person who believes in God could pass a lie detector test when stating that God exists.
• The person who is an atheist could pass pass a lie detector test when stating that God does not exist.

So if both people aren’t lying, are they both right? Think of it like this:

“If you believe you can or if you believe you can’t, you’re right.”

So how does this tie in with how fat guys can be attractive to a woman for attraction and dating?

Because if we believe that:

• Women are only attracted to men who are in good shape…or…
• Women aren’t attracted to fat/overweight guys etc…

Then we will start to look for ways in which that is true when we are interacting with women.

So you might look for ways in which women seem disinterested in you or look down on you when you interact with them or when they see you. Or you will act nervous around women because you feel inferior or insecure about being overweight. Or in some cases, you won’t even interact with women AT ALL as you would believe it to be pointless because you’ve already decided that women won’t be attracted to you!

Have you done or thought any of these things before?

When we act insecure, nervous and believe we are not good enough around women, women find us less attractive REGARDLESS of the reason for us acting this way!

And if we don’t interact with women AT ALL…then of course we won’t be successful with them, right?

The above actions then lead to poor results (or zero results) and then you say to yourself: “See! I knew that I was too fat!”, and the belief gets reinforced and the problem continues.

Make sense?

From the hundreds and thousands of men I’ve interacted with over the years, regardless of what their reason they believe they can’t get the women they want is, be it:

• their weight
• their looks
• their financial situation
• their height
• their race
• their language skills
• their teeth
• their balding head
• their inexperience with women

Or any of the other multitude of reasons that guys give themselves as to why they are stuck…they all have THE SAME underlying belief about themselves, which is:

“I am not good enough as I am”.

Agreed?

It breaks my heart when I see this, because when I meet guys who struggle with this, all I see is their potential. Whether it’s one of my clients who used to be 40 kilograms heavier who is now happy, healthy and dating amazing girls they never previously thought it possible to be with, or guys who struggle with anything else.

So how do you change this?

1 – It’s often said that the ‘definition of madness’ is: to keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Acknowledge that what you’ve been doing isn’t working and you need to do something differently to get a different result.

2 – Realise that you have a ‘story’ of the reasons why you are unattractive and how you are a ‘victim’ and powerless to change it that you tell yourself. Ask yourself “how many more days do I want to keep telling myself that story and clinging to those reasons?”. Are you prepared to let go of old excuses/beliefs/self-identity etc in order to get what you want out of life?

3 – Be brutally honest with yourself and accept that you are responsible for everything in your life being the way that it is. Both the positive things and the negative things. Because only when you accept that you are the cause of the problems do you get to be the solution to them as well.

4 – Allow yourself to love yourself. Start to declare that you are an attractive, healthy, athletic person, and start to look for ways in which it’s true. Start to MAKE it true, and do the things an attractive, healthy, athletic person would do until it becomes reality.

5 – Find a coach or a mentor or an accountability partner to help keep you on track.

I hope this was helpful, and if you’d like to know more, feel free to check out my book if you’d like to learn more about taking control of your mindset, and turning your life around to become the most confident and naturally attractive version of yourself. After all…isn’t it about time?

Ben Alexander

Ever wished you knew how to feel confident with women?

Maybe you feel confident with women sometimes, or on certain days, or with certain women, but other times those annoying nervous feelings or self-doubt creep to the surface. How frustrating, right?

I bet you wish you knew how to feel confident with women ALL the time so you could feel more relaxed with women and more in control of your dating success?

I used to experience that same annoyingly inconsistent confidence until I figured out a process of how to feel confident with women on a consistent basis, and I want to share with you how I did it so you can experience it too.

Feeling Confident is No Accident

The first step in consistent confidence is realising that feeling confident doesn’t happen by chance. There is always a specific sequence you go through to get there. If it doesn’t feel this way to you right now, it’s because you don’t know how it works yet, so be patient and excited because that’s coming up.

In fact, one of the first things we teach our clients in our trainings is how their psychology creates different feelings. This includes both positive and negative feelings. The problem is most people don’t realise this is happening and so they are often using their psychology against themselves instead of to help themselves. So the good news is that you aren’t ‘broken’ if you get nervous. Your psychology is working fine. It’s just that your psychology is likely using you right now, instead of you using your psychology. Understanding the process of how emotions are created is the first step to being able to learn how to feel confident with women all the time.

How Do Emotions Work?

A concept from NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) suggests that our reality or life experience is made up of our sense perceptions. The main ones being our sense of sight (visual), our sense of hearing (auditory), and our sense of touch (kinaesthetic). Kinaesthetic also extends to how we are using our physiology or physical body.

For example our body posture, whether it’s in motion or still, our breathing, how we use our voice, facial expressions etc. Visual, auditory and kinaesthetic also account for our internal experience of these senses, so the pictures or movies we make in our minds, the sounds or voices we have in our heads, and the feelings or emotions we experience internally.

Our emotions are created by using the above senses in a sequence or program. For a simplified example to help you understand how this works, for you to feel happy, you might see a good friend or someone you care about (visual), then start breathing excitedly, stand upright and start smiling and greet them happily (kinaesthetic) and then listen to them greeting us kindly in return (auditory). In fact, I bet you even followed along as you read this and feel a little happier having imagined this experience with someone you care about…am I right? If you continue to use this exact strategy the same way every time, you will always get the same result of feeling happy when you greet that person.

This works equally as powerfully in an imagined experience as you probably noticed from reading the above example. It’s the same neurology and physiology in action. Because of this, in the case of wanting to approach a woman you might like to meet, you begin to use the same neurology and physiology to create an imagined experience of how you think meeting her will play out. How this imagined experience plays out in your mind is determined by what you believe about yourself, and what you believe about the world.

For example, if you believe she will be happy to meet you, you will likely use a similar strategy to meeting the person from the example above, and feel confident, happy and even excited to meet her. However, if you believe you aren’t good enough for her, and that she won’t respond well to you, you will use your neurology and physiology in a different sequence to create a different (and likely unhelpful) feeling or emotion.

Maybe you start visualising her rejecting you or being cold or mean. Then you make a look of dread on your face and start to take shallow breaths. Your heart rate might increase and you may start to sweat as your fight or flight response kicks in. Then you might have a voice in your head start to scream at you to not do it or that it’s going to end badly. Before you know it, you’ve arrived at nervous or fearful etc. Can you see how this works?

You already have strategies/sequences/programs for your emotions that you’ve practised hundreds and thousands of times that are ready to deploy automatically. Unless you begin to pro-actively take control of them to bring out the ones you want, the way you feel will be at the effect of the environment and how people respond to you instead of it being within your control.

Taking Back Control of Your Confidence

Most men are guilty of basing their sense of self-worth on external factors such as how a woman responded to their advances. So if a woman responds well to you approaching her, you might allow yourself to feel good about yourself. If the woman responded poorly however, you might beat yourself up and tell yourself you aren’t good enough. Do you do this right now?

As long as you are looking to people’s responses for your sense of self-worth, you will feel disempowered and your emotional state will be like a leaf in the wind. Therefore, a huge part to learning how to feel confident with women is taking back control of your criteria for feeling good about yourself.

How people respond to us is ultimately out of our control, and it would be unreasonable to think any different. For example, if you approach a woman on the same day as her favourite pet passes away, regardless of how amazing a person you are or how well you approached her, she may be so stricken with grief or anger that she could respond in an unwelcoming manner. Does that mean you aren’t good enough? Or was it just out of your control?

The best way to take back control is to only assess your performance based on the things that you can control. For example, you can control:

• If you approached or not
• If you had good body language
• If you used your voice well etc…

If you did a good job of all of the things you can control, you can walk away feeling satisfied and at peace regardless of the outcome because you know you gave it your best shot. The irony is, the less you focus on how people respond to you, and the more you focus on doing a good job of the things within your control, the better people typically seem to respond to you!

Release The Pressure

There are some great ways you can release the pressure on yourself to allow you feel more confident.

1 – Let go of needing to feel good

If you stress about not feeling good, you now have two problems. “That which you resist, persists” (Unknown Author). Accept how you feel, even if it isn’t ideal (that rhymes). Then you aren’t creating any extra unnecessary stress. Focus instead on doing the right thing

2 – Give yourself some warmups

If you place too much importance on your first (or any) approach, you likely won’t do anything because you are terrified of ‘failure’. We tell our clients that “the first three approaches on any day/night don’t count”. This is because you need to switch into the social mode. Give yourself a few warmups with no pressure just to ease into your social vibe. Of course if one of your warmups goes well, then it of course counts. If none of them go well, start again with another three warmups. There is no limit to the number of attempts you have after all.

If you enjoyed this article about how to feel more confident with women, you’ll probably also enjoy this article on How to Overcome Fear of Approaching a Girl

If you would like to know how we can help you become successful with women, you can Contact Us and make a time for a confidential chat about your situation

Want to know how to get out of the friend zone?

How to get out of the friend zone is one of the most common questions I am asked as a dating coach. The reason for this is ‘the friend zone’ is one of the most common problems guys encounter with women and dating.

If you don’t know how to avoid the friend zone, you will end up being ‘just friends’ with the girls who you actually want to be intimate with. When you figure out how to avoid the friend zone, you will usually be able to decide which girls you want to be intimate with and which ones you just want to be friends with and act accordingly to make it so.

What is The Friend Zone?

The friend zone is when you are attracted to a girl and want to date her or be intimate with her, but she doesn’t feel the same way and just wants to be friends with you. Although the friend zone may seem like a problem, it’s actually a symptom of a man who doesn’t know how to naturally attract women.

The Harsh Truth on How to Get Out of The Friend Zone

Most guys who want to know how to get out of the friend zone are already in the friend zone with a girl they instead want to be intimate with (I suppose that makes a lot of sense…right?). But there is a harsh truth about knowing how to get out of the friend zone that you can only understand once you know the following.

The dynamic (or relationship) between you and a girl begins to be established from the very first moment you meet her. Simply put, whether you and her will end up dating or whether you and her will end up as just friends is decided by how you interact with a woman usually in the first few seconds, minutes or hours of meeting her. Why?

Whenever we meet people, we sort of ‘ping’ or ‘feel-out’ someone’s vibe. Women are especially good at this and when they first meet a man, they immediately begin to assess whether he is someone they consider as attractive/a lover or if they just see him as a friend.

Generally a girl will seek to friend zone any guy she meets who she doesn’t consider attractive or any guy who signals that he is only looking for friendship with her. So for example, if you interact with a girl like you just want to be friends when you first meet her, she will respond back to you as a friend. The longer you interact with her like a friend, the more strongly she will consider you as a friend and the less she will consider you as a lover, and the harder it will be for you to change your dynamic with her from a friendly one to an intimate one.

There is no exact time frame for how long it takes before any particular girl decides she wants to be just friends with a guy as there are so many variables from person to person and in different situations, but it can sometimes be decided as quickly as within a few seconds or minutes, and in other cases it could take hours or even days. Most guys however struggle to understand just how hard it is to change this ‘classification’ from friend to lover once it’s been established, and often this is the biggest frustration of a guy in the friend zone, as it seems nothing he tries can change it.

Therefore, the only solution is to make sure you interact with with the women you are attracted to in an attractive manner as soon as you first meet them. This lets them know you would like to be romantically involved with them as soon as they meet you and lets them begin to class you as attractive right from the first moment and avoids them classing you as a friend. So the harsh truth of how to avoid the friend zone is: The best way to get out of the friend zone is to never get in the friend zone in the first place!

How to Avoid The Friend Zone

If you frequently end up in the friend zone and just read the above and thought ‘But I didn’t treat her like I wanted to be her friend! I was acting in an attractive manner, or at least I thought I was and I was trying to show her I like her!”, then there are two main possibilities:

1. Less Likely: You haven’t met a girl who is a match for you. Find another girl who is a match for you.
2. More Likely: You haven’t yet learned a proven system to communicate yourself in a naturally attractive way. Find out how to do this! (Contact us here if you want help with this)

But I’m Stuck in The Friend Zone! Help!

If you are stuck in the friend zone with a girl and just can’t seem to get out, and you are in denial and are unwilling to admit defeat, then you are choosing to make life very hard for yourself. ‘Recovery rates’ from the friend zone are extremely low because of everything I said above. Depending how long you’ve known a girl and how long she’s considered you as a friend, often it can be near impossible for her to see you any other way. Its kind of like expecting a girl to become attracted to her brother…which is messed up!

Also, a guy who is ‘stuck’ on a girl is inherently an unattractive prospect to that girl. Why? Because women are attracted to confident men who have their own mission in life as their highest priority. This is why women seem so attracted to businessmen, politicians, musicians and sports people etc who have strong missions. If your highest mission is a girl, then you have failed at satisfying that requirement and women will find you less attractive.

Also, consider how many options you currently have with different women? Are you able to easily meet women and date them? Or are you very rarely able to do so? Usually guys who are stuck in the friend zone are less capable of attracting women. If this is you, then consider if you only feel so strongly for this particular girl because you don’t have any other options? Would you care so much about this particular girl if you had the ability to meet ten other women who were equally or more attractive as her?

Learning how to meet attractive women can be much easier than you think when you get the right information, so if you’d like to know more, check out some of our related articles here, the programs we offer here, or Contact Us now to find out how we can help you to naturally attract the women you want.

Ben Alexander

Do you want to know how to kiss a girl on New Year’s Eve (and perhaps even MORE!) this New Year’s Eve?

If so, make sure you read all the way to the end…because I’m going to reveal to you my ‘Top 5 Tips to make this New Year’s Eve your best so far!’

Before I get into that NYE awesomeness, here’s a quick reminder to book a FREE spot at one of our LIVE workshops. See the most up-to-date schedule here: http://legendsacademy.com.au/events/

Top 5 Tips For New Year’s Eve Success With The Ladies

IMPORTANT: What You Need to Know

New Year’s Eve is THE best and easiest night of the year to:
– Meet lovely ladies
– Kiss them
– Sometimes even take someone special home

Why?

The whole night is perfectly designed to get women ready to be swept of their feet by a Legendary Gentleman because:

• Nearly every fun, beautiful & single girl will be out somewhere celebrating!
• There is so much anticipation and expectation for random, crazy partying & antics
• Most girls are hoping to meet a ‘special someone’ for a midnight kiss
• A lot of people are in costumes which lets them act in a different ‘party’ persona

What this means:

New Year’s Eve is therefore THE best night of the year to meet beautiful women, kiss them and potentially take them home. The following 5 tips will help you have the highest possible chance of achieving the above AND making sure you have the most fun NYE ever.

Tip 1 – Planning

Leaving your NYE unplanned and ‘up to chance’ is the best way to have a sucky night. Consider planning the following so your night works out the way you intend:

• There’s nothing worse than being stranded on the street outside the best parties because you were too disorganised or too cheap to buy some tickets. Usually the most beautiful and good-natured girls want to attend a quality event with quality people and not just a ‘free-for-all’ with no barrier to entry and no dress code
• Because of this, choose events and venues where there are LOTS of girls, AND the types of girls you want to meet. Accept that once inside, it may be impossible/difficult/expensive to change venues, so choose wisely (big venue/concert/event gives more options)
• Perils to avoid! Shitty, tiny venues with hardly any girls or places where quality girls are unlikely to go

Tip 2 – Dress for Success

If you’ve ever been to a costume party, you’ll know that they are a ton of fun AND they sometimes bring out your alter-ego party-animal side more easily when ‘in character’. Women are attracted to the men who are the most confident and fun, and wearing a costume is a good indicator of this. I suggest looking for themed events where you can dress up and make the most of this phenomenon

• Consider accessories that women will be drawn to so they have more reason to start conversations with you such as guns, hats, glasses etc
• Don’t feel obliged to observe the theme (unless the dress code is strictly enforced at your event). I’ve attended Oktoberfest dressed as a pirate (TWICE!)
• Choose costumes that allow you to get away with flirty and obnoxious behaviour such as soldiers, Vikings, Spartan Warriors and my personal favourite, PIRATES!

Tip 3 – Social Strategies For Meeting LOTS of Women

Even if you attend a good party and have an amazing costume, you’ll just be the best dressed guy at the best party standing in the corner alone if you don’t proactively make the right moves to meet beautiful women. Make sure you meet as many people as possible to have the highest chance of meeting a girl you have chemistry with who’d like to kiss you at midnight

• Arrive EARLY to allow you time to warm up and ease into the party spirit
• Choose to be in a fun and silly mood for the night as this will make girls want to spend more time with you
• Don’t leave it too late to get started. NYE often starts early and can finish early for that reason. Warm up with approaches early
• Talk to everyone! You never know which groups/girls will be receptive, and who might like to come find you again later
• LIMIT your alcohol consumption! As much as it’s fun to have a ‘few’ drinks on NYE, if you drink too much, you’ll become the cliche drunk NYE idiot and your chances of success will likely dwindle. I’ve actually had many completely SOBER NYE’s, and this in no way limited my fun, and it can EVEN mean it’s easier to sober drive a girl home later if needed instead of lining up for a taxi or waiting for an Uber 😉

Tip 4 – How to Kiss a Girl on New Year’s Eve at Midnight

Know that you’re aiming to be with a girl you like at midnight because it’s the perfect time and excuse to kiss her

• Make deals with girls you meet before midnight that, if they don’t have anyone to kiss at midnight, maybe they can come find you for a midnight kiss
• Also ask if they’ve practiced…then say: “Ok…let’s have a quick practice”, offer your cheek, then your other cheek, then lips (so many ways to play with it)
• I usually try to have my midnight kiss girl locked in by 11pm and stay with her building up to the midnight kiss
• If you’re still alone just before midnight, ask girls nearby if they’ve found someone to kiss at midnight
• At the countdown, say “Happy New Year!” with a smile and cheeky flirty eye contact and just go in for the kiss with the girl you are with
• If still no girl, go up to girls nearby and say “Happy New Year!” with a smile and cheeky flirty eye contact and just go in for a kiss
• You can even keep doing this with lots of girls till you find one who’d like a kiss haha

Tip 5 – After The Midnight Countdown

Approach girls and start a conversation by telling them they’re you’re favourite girl you’ve met all year…(get it?)

If she’s receptive, ask if they’ve had a midnight kiss

• If not say “Happy New Year!” with a smile and cheeky flirty eye contact and just go in for a kiss with her
• If yes, ask if it was good. Whether it was good or bad, say “Happy New Year!” and go in for a kiss with her haha

Have a plan in case you find a girl you really connect with who’d like to go home with you eg:

• How you are getting home?
• Have your place ready for a visitor BEFORE you go out for the evening
• Have condoms on you for any unexpected ‘encounters’

 
Final Considerations

• New Year’s Eve should be a fun celebration. To avoid it becoming a dramatic disaster, keep this in mind, and keep a relaxed, friendly attitude
• Be respectful of everyone you meet and interact with. Make sure your advances are welcome, and if not, back off!
• TAKE LOTS OF PHOTOS!!! This will be a night to remember. Get a selfie with everyone you meet, and try to end up with AT LEAST 10 selfies. You can also update your social media and get girl’s numbers so you can send them the photos…

Hope you loved these tips. We have SO MANY MORE but there just isn’t time/room for it all here. Feel free to message me with your best NYE tips, AND let me know how your NYE goes!

Happy New Year!

Ben Alexander & The Legends Academy Team

Remember to check out the most up-to-date schedule of our LIVE workshops here: http://legendsacademy.com.au/events/

To find out how we can help you with your confidence & dating & relationship success contact us here now

How Important is Money to Women for Dating & Attraction?

Men (AND women) have been arguing over this question for decades, and from what I’ve seen there’s no end in sight!

I’m going to answer the ‘How Important is Money to Women for Dating & Attraction?’ question in this article based on my own extensive personal experience (I’ve now met over 10,000 women in over 15 countries)…

AND as a dating coach who has helped thousands of men around the world to naturally attract the women of their dreams, with some now married and many more in great relationships of having the dating life they always dreamed of

By the end of this article you will have a better understanding of:

• How important is money to women for dating & attraction
• Why women are attracted to rich and powerful men
• How to avoid creating unnecessary problems for yourself that don’t exist
• The ways rich men turn women off
• Why you don’t need to be rich to attract women

And much MUCH more!

So How Important is Money to a Woman for Dating & Attraction?

The quick answer is: It’s important, but not to the degree, and not in the way that we are led to believe…and here’s why…

1.  There is an enormous amount of misinformation about what causes women to be attracted to men in movies, mass media and society around this subject
2. DESPITE countless examples of money NOT being an obstacle to a man being successful with women, so many men still INSIST it needs to be an issue. This includes wealthy men who became clients of ours because they were struggling to attract women or they were worried they couldn’t find a woman who didn’t just want them for their money, and countless other clients who aren’t particularly wealthy who are now dating the women of their dreams
3. There is a HUGE psychological aspect unknown by most men which causes them to think money plays a much bigger role for women when being attracted to men than it really needs to be

Let me explain…(we gotta get a little nerdy here so you can understand but I promise it’s worth it so keep reading)…

Our mind has an unconscious mechanism (which means we don’t even realise we are doing it!) that always looks for evidence that our current beliefs are accurate

The intention of this is to stop us going crazy, but it can have unintended negative consequences if we don’t know about it

Here’s an example of it working:

An atheist and a person who believes in God both believe they are right about their belief. Because of their belief, they both look for evidence of their belief being correct, and their brains find evidence that supports their belief and makes them highly aware of it, and it hides or downplays evidence that undermines or conflicts with their belief

The result is a reality or life-experience that fits with their expectation and their belief

• The person who believes in God could pass a lie detector test when stating that God exists
• The person who is an atheist could pass pass a lie detector test when stating that God does not exist

So if both people aren’t lying, are they both right? Think of it like this:

“If you believe you can or if you believe you can’t, you’re right.”

So how does this tie in with if money is important to a woman for attraction and dating?

Because if we believe that:

• Women are only be attracted to rich men…OR…
• We aren’t wealthy enough for women to be interested in us etc…

Then we will start to look for ways in which that is true when we are interacting with women…

So we might look for ways in which women seem disinterested in us or look down on us when we interact with them or when they find out what our income or occupation is…

Or we will act nervous around women because we feel inferior or insecure and not good enough…

Or in some cases, we won’t even interact with women AT ALL as we would believe it to be pointless unless we are extremely wealthy!

Have you done or thought any of these things before?

When we act insecure, nervous and believe we are not good enough with women, women find us less attractive REGARDLESS of the reason for us acting this way!

And if we don’t interact with women AT ALL…then of course we won’t be successful with them

The above actions then lead to poor results (or zero results) and then we say to ourselves: “See! I knew that money was a problem!”, and the belief gets reinforced and the problem continues

Make sense?

Why are Women Attracted to Rich and Powerful men?

Because of what you just learned above, you can also see how in some cases rich men will believe that women will be attracted to them because they are wealthy

Because of that belief, they will act more confidently and entitled with women

Acting this way with women is very attractive and so they will get better results than men who act insecure

Because of the good results, they will then reinforce their original belief that money is the reason women are attracted to them

Can you see how this works both ways?

Why You Don’t Need to be Rich to be Attractive to Women

With the exception of a man who was born into the ‘rich club’, in order for a man to become wealthy he generally has to have a certain kind of personality and take certain actions

Usually he is hard working, ambitious, he can take calculated risks, he believes in what he is doing, he is a good communicator, he is a leader and so on

These are all qualities that women find attractive…BUT…there is a twist!

Studies have shown that women are JUST AS ATTRACTED to men who have the above qualities but who haven’t yet become wealthy!

So even if you are still on your path to becoming your best self, women are often just as attracted to your actions and ambition as they are to a man who has already become financially successful

Good news, huh?

DISCLAIMER: If you are a slob with no drive or motivation, you don’t take care of yourself, you don’t treat others with respect, you have a negative mindset and act like a victim, you don’t take any action to work and create value for yourself and other people, then you will not be attractive to ANY woman of quality

How Men Sometimes Turn Women Off When it Comes to Money

Some men who are insecure about their level of wealth or who feel wealth is the most important thing for a woman to be attracted to them can actually be their own worst enemy

In the case of a man who believes he needs to demonstrate his wealth to a woman in order for her to feel attracted to him, some men do bizarre things to prove their worth and wealth to women which can often backfire and have the reverse effect to what they intended, and put women off

Some examples of these are:

• Bragging about how much money you make
• Finding excuses to show off expensive items you own such as watches or cars etc
• Paying for everything for a woman
• Spending excessive amounts of money on a woman or buying her excessive gifts (more on this here)

And too many more to list

This can turn women off because: What must a man think if he feels he needs to prove to a woman how wealthy he is?

The answer is: He doesn’t think he’s good enough for her and he needs to prove himself or try and buy her

That is inherently unattractive to women as women want a man who knows he is good enough, and a man who truly believes he is good enough doesn’t need to over-compensate or prove himself or try and buy a woman’s affection

Having dated some incredibly beautiful women (EVEN though I am not rich!) I have first-hand experience of this, and a window into the world of beautiful women

When dating a Miss Austria model, I observed rich men doing the following:

• She had men wanting to take her for dinner in the finest restaurants in Vienna every night of the week
• She had men offering her favours such as entry to bars and clubs hoping to win her affection
• She would be GIVEN the latest TV’s and Smart-phones by ‘friends’
• She had courted European Royalty

This was bitter-sweet for her.  As much as some of the perks were great, she wouldn’t date those men. She would often also become upset by them because she wanted to be taken on her merit and feel like she earned everything she had, and she always felt like people were trying to buy her

The BIG Question

Do you even want to be with a woman who wouldn’t be attracted to you if you weren’t rich?

These are some of the problems you may face if you do:

• I mentioned above that we’ve had clients who were very wealthy that were worried they couldn’t find a woman who didn’t just want them for their money, so you might feel like your girl doesn’t really love you for who you are, she just loves your money
• You may worry that your girl will leave you for a richer man with more money
• You may worry if you lose your money, you will also lose your girl
• You may not respect your girl or women in general because you may feel they are like an object that you can buy

And so on

Summary: How Important is Money to Women for Dating & Attraction?

I hope you can now see that your beliefs are responsible for whether or not you allow your level of wealth to be an obstacle to your dating and relationship success

I hope you can also see that you can also turn women off if you project your insecurities of having too little or too much money onto them

If you want to be wealthy, do it for yourself, and find a woman who loves you for the man you are, and the man you aspire to be

Please Contact Us if you would like to know how we can help you with your success with women

If you liked this post you will also like these:

• What Are Women Attracted To?
• Should Men Pay For Dates?

Are you shy or introverted in social situations?

Do you wish you were more confident and outgoing?

This article is for you if you want to know how to not be shy anymore and learn how you can be more confident and outgoing in social situations

So many people struggle to feel confident in social situations and instead feel shy and introverted

I used to be one of these people too. I would struggle immensely in social situations. I would even experience anxiety attacks, and used to turn to alcohol to numb myself so I could feel like I fit in. I just wanted to know how to not be shy so I could make friends and feel normal

This can be extremely frustrating and even crippling to shy and introverted people, and if they don’t learn how to not be shy and introverted, they can end up living an isolated and unfulfilled life

Often this shyness is unnecessary and is no true indicator of the quality of a person. It is however an indicator of two things:

1.  The way that person thinks about themselves and the world
2. The actions that person is taking (or NOT taking)

So let’s look at how you can learn how to not be shy!

Step 1 – Stop considering yourself as a ‘shy person’ or an ‘introvert’

Our thoughts and beliefs directly shape our experience of the world and the actions we take. They are like instructions to our brain and body of how to think, feel and act

Going further, our brain is also designed to constantly seek evidence that our current beliefs are true. Read that previous sentence again

You can see this is the way a person who has a religious belief will defend their religion with just as much certainty as an atheist will defend their position that God does not exist…

And both people with their opposite beliefs would pass a lie detector test that would show they are both telling the truth!

That is the power of beliefs, and that is how powerful the brains mechanism to defend a currently held belief is

Based on this, someone who has beliefs or thoughts such as:

• I’m a shy person
• I’m an introvert
• People don’t notice me
• I don’t like loud environments
• I’m not good at socialising
• I wish I knew how to not be shy

…and so on…

Is going to have a completely different life experience to someone who has beliefs or thoughts such as:

• I’m an outgoing person
• I’m an extrovert
• People love to meet me
• I love loud events
• I love to socialise

…and so on…

Just consider for a moment that both of the two people above are seeking evidence that their beliefs and thoughts are accurate…

And if you can, take a moment to imagine being either of those people at a lively, busy, loud social scenario, and I’m sure you will agree that one person will be having an amazing time, and the other will be hiding in the corner in terror or heading for the exits!

Which one of those two do you think your thoughts or beliefs are more similar to?

Knowing that, can you now see how your thoughts and beliefs may be limiting your ability to be more outgoing and confident?

“But it can’t be that simple!” you say…

How is that thought or belief also stopping you from having the life that you want?

My clients and I will tell you that it really CAN be that simple

As soon as you can accept that, you can let go of the struggle against the truth, and allow yourself to start creating a more effective belief system and way of thinking that will get you the results you want

Step 2 – Start considering yourself as a confident and outgoing person

Once you’ve stopped the self-imposed limitations, it’s time to start becoming the confident and outgoing person you were born to be

Begin to declare to yourself and others that you are a confident and outgoing person

This will tune in your mind to start to look for evidence that it’s true, and will instruct your brain to approach the world in a new way

Step 3 – Start taking actions that a confident and outgoing person takes

Knowledge is useless without application. It’s critically important that your new way of thinking and looking at the world is followed up strongly and persistently with actions that will push you gradually but consistently out of your comfort zone

So many people fail at doing this because they try to do too much all at once. Breaking this process up into smaller steps that allow you to slowly by steadily become more confident and outgoing, without becoming overwhelmed and retreating

Don’t get me wrong. There is always a level of discomfort involved in getting out of your comfort zone. It’s no different to starting a new school or job. It’s difficult at first, but then it becomes something you can do with ease.

When you do it the right way, things that were previously uncomfortable become the new normal.

If you liked this article then you may also like to check out How to Overcome Fear of Approaching a Girl

If you would like us to help you become more confident and outgoing, please Contact Us today and we can discuss a tailored solution for you

Are you a Nice Guy or a Jerk?

I used to be a ‘nice guy’ and get frustrated from ending up ‘just friends’ with girls I was attracted to

What made this harder to accept was these same girls would often come to me and complain about how the guys they were dating would mistreat them!?

If you’re sick of ending up in the ‘Friend Zone’ after trying to be a nice guy to women, then this is the article for you!

Often it seems like ‘nice guys finish last’, and that women prefer jerks, assholes and bad boys who treat them like crap

But what’s really going on here?

And how can you avoid the friend zone without being a jerk to women?

Women can often be more attracted to jerks, assholes and bad boys than nice guys because, even though ‘bad boys’ may cause women to feel more NEGATIVE emotions…

They still cause women to feel a lot MORE emotions in TOTAL than a typical ‘nice guy’ would make them feel

This sounds CRAZY but you can learn more about this here

Often ‘nice guys’ are so worried about doing anything at all to upset a girl that they keep to very safe, boring, and predictable conversation topics and actions

These safe, boring and predictable topics may not cause the girl to feel any NEGATIVE emotions, but they usually are so boring that they don’t cause her to feel very much AT ALL!

And that’s where the problem arises…

I’m NOT saying you need to be a bad boy and cause women to feel bad

What I AM saying is that you need to learn to communicate with women in a way that causes them to experience a whole range of emotions when they’re with you

So they feel excited when they interact with you instead of dying of boredom!

Avoiding the ‘Friend Zone’

Another big reason that nice guys end up in the friend zone is because they lack a strong sense of character, they aren’t confident, and they let people push them around

It’s hard for a woman to respect a man that she can easily manipulate and push around

In most cases, women aren’t looking to push men around or take advantage of them

But if a woman can detect that you are a push-over, and that you don’t enforce your personal boundaries, and EVEN pro actively encourage people to take advantage of you by supplicating yourself, she won’t respect you

The problem is a large part comes from false information we receive from society about what women are attracted to

If you want to know more about getting women to respect you I recommend checking out this video:

(Sorry that video was out of focus, but the content was too good to not share it)

Please feel free to Contact Us if you would like us to help you get the confidence and skills to Naturally Attract the women you really want

What is the best Energy Level for talking to girls?

If you don’t know the best energy level for talking to girls, you run the risk of making women uncomfortable when you meet them and wasting the opportunity

When you approach women with the best energy level for the situation, you can help make sure women feel comfortable and interested when they meet you

So what’s the biggest mistake men make in choosing the best energy level for talking to girls?

The biggest mistake men make with their energy level is having an energy level which is too low or too relaxed for the situation

You’ll know what it’s like for women when they meet low energy guys if you’ve ever been stuck at the ‘boring table’ at a workplace event or a wedding and you were SO bored of the people on your table that you couldn’t wait to leave!

Having too low an energy level is more common for men who are less socially experienced, shy, introverted and so on, and this low energy level is often interpreted by women as meaning you are a boring guy

This is because they aren’t creating enough of an emotional response in the women they meet.

So how do you correct this?

There was an old philosophy that stated you should aim to be ‘high energy’. But the biggest problem with that advice is that ‘high energy’ means something different to everyone

For example someone who is shy would typically have a much more relaxed interpretation of ‘high energy’ to someone who is an experienced socialite

Because of this, the shy person’s energy would likely be too low and they would be considered boring. On the flipside, the more outgoing person would likely come across as being too intense or overwhelming

Another problem with that advice is if you approach a shy girl, a girl who is in a relaxed situation or a girl who’s in a relaxed mood with extremely high energy, you can overwhelm her or freak her out, and scare her away!

And the last problem with that advice is men can begin to set unrealistic expectations for their energy levels. They begin to worry that their energy level is too low when talking to women, and worry girls will leave if they aren’t feeling upbeat enough or if the mood becomes more relaxed during an interaction. This usually becomes somewhat of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Furthermore, they can even feel like being in a more relaxed mood prevents them from approaching a woman altogether!

So how do you work out what’s the best energy level for talking to girls?

The easiest way to work out the best energy level for talking to girls in a specific situation is to actually first become aware of the existing energy level with the girl or group that you would like to meet

Then your aim is to set your energy level slightly above the girl or group you are meeting

This way you can:

1. Make sure your energy level isn’t too low
2. Make sure your energy level isn’t too high

It may take a bit of effort to push yourself initially to get your energy up to that higher level initially, but it will be well worth it when you start seeing the positive benefit of making sure you are no longer being misinterpreted as being boring

Additionally, if you usually have too much energy, you will be less likely to frighten women away

The most important time to pay attention to your energy level is when you first approach. This is because once you’ve been with the girl or group for a few minutes, generally your energy levels will naturally normalise with the people you meet. Regardless of this, you must always aim to keep an upbeat, friendly and positive energy in your interactions so people enjoy spending time with you and want to continue to do so

If you are new to socialising, the above could take some practice, but it’s a skill that can be learned by anyone if you are prepared to put in the time and effort

Contact Us today if you would like to know how we can help you get the confidence and skills to improve your social and dating success

Have you ever wondered how to stand when talking to a girl?

Or what’s the best body language to have?

OR what body language you specifically need to AVOID?

In this article you will learn:

1. How NOT to stand when talking to a girl
2. How to stand when talking to a girl

Body language makes up over half of our communication! (55% to be precise)

So it’s extremely important to make sure you know how to stand when talking to a girl…

Especially if you want to make a good first impression!

How NOT to stand when talking to a girl

The biggest mistake men make when standing and talking with women is they ‘close themselves off’ with their body language.

This is usually done by folding/crossing their arms across their chest, or in a less obvious way holding a drink across they tummy or chest.

This communicates to women on a subtle and unconscious level that you are in some way uncomfortable in the situation and have your guard up physically or emotionally…which of course makes them feel less comfortable with you.

The next biggest mistake men make when standing and talking with women is they keep their hands in their pockets and don’t actually use their arms to gesture and of course initiate touch.

This makes the man appear boring, lethargic, unenthusiastic, uninterested, or shy, afraid or a man of low confidence.

How to stand when talking to a girl

So you’ve probably figured out by now that the solution to the above mistakes is to do the opposite…right?

Pretty much, but let me go into some more detail for you.

Here’s how to stand when talking to a girl:

• Stand with your feet shoulder-width distance apart
• Stand up straight, and don’t slouch
• Relax your shoulders
• If you are holding a drink, hold the top of the glass and let it hang by your side
• Keep your hands out of your pockets so they are free to be used to make gestures as part of conversation and to touch her where appropriate
• When your hands are resting, slip your thumbs or a finger or two just inside the tops of your pockets so they can easily be removed when needed

When you combine all of the above, you will appear a lot more confident and attractive to women, and you will also feel more confident and relaxed.

Please check out our other videos and articles and Contact Us if you would like to know how we can help you

Do you wish you knew how to overcome fear of approaching a girl?

Do you get nervous or afraid when you think about approaching beautiful girls? Maybe you freeze up and feel paralysed and hold yourself back? This article is for you if you want to learn how to overcome fear of approaching a girl so you can start conversations with the beautiful girls who have previously seemed out of reach.

The reason I’m writing this article is because of a recent experience with a new client in Auckland New Zealand where he was experiencing MASSIVE fear of approaching a girl. Because it was the first time we had worked together, he didn’t yet appreciate the accuracy of the advice I gave him at the start of our training about overcoming fear of approaching a girl. As a result he spent most of our training in a state of fear and discomfort, and was paralysed and unable to approach the girls he was attracted to.

After immense persistence from myself and refusing to let him quit multiple times, he did step up and face his fear and was able to overcome his fear of approaching a girl

What was interesting is that when we spoke afterwards, he confirmed what I had told him beforehand:

• “It was easier than I thought”
• “It was much worse resisting it than when I just went and did it”

So what was the advice I gave him before the training about how to overcome fear of approaching a girl that he failed to take?

It was about the ‘Fear Equation’. Or as I think of it:

F (fear) = I (inexperience) x T (time)

As you can see from the equation, a requirement for fear to grow and exist is time. Time to fear is like oxygen to a fire. If you take away oxygen from a fire it will smoulder and eventually go out. By minimising the time we take from when we first see a beautiful girl to when we start to make an approach, we can actually minimise the amount of fear we create and need to overcome. The opposite is true when we delay our approach. When we fail to act quickly, we allow fear to grow to a level that prevents us from taking any action at all.

Are You Even a Fearful Person?

Often we judge ourselves and our identity based on our past life experiences. For example, if in the past you would usually put off approaching beautiful girls till you got so afraid that you wouldn’t do it, then you might assume that you are a fearful person.

When you take that action repeatedly it becomes somewhat of an autopilot response and your default behaviour becomes to be afraid of, and to avoid talking to beautiful women.

 Additionally you might begin to believe you are a fearful person as your results indicate that to be the case. Although you may feel, believe, take the actions of and get the results of a fearful person, this doesn’t mean you are a fearful person. The truth is at any time you could consciously override your default thoughts and feelings and do it anyway IN SPITE of the fear. This is where experience comes into play.

You’ll notice in the graph that the three competency levels of beginner, intermediate and experienced are plotted. You’ll also notice that even the experienced level still faces a level of fear that grows with time, although they do not reach the threshold where they become paralysed with fear.

What happens is that they have so many past experiences where they have felt nervous or afraid and taken action promptly IN SPITE of that feeling of fear, that they now have more mental resources available to keep calmer and override their fear because they know from experience that they will be ok.

So what can you do if you’re a beginner and don’t have lots of experiences to draw on?

1 – Know that time is your biggest enemy and act immediately before fear has a chance to take hold!

This was historically referred to as ‘The 3 Second Rule’. Meaning you need to make your approach within 3 seconds of first seeing the girl you want to approach in order to make sure you act before your fear response can fully develop

2 – Become ‘Process Driven’

Most men focus on the outcome of their interactions with women and forget that they are dealing with people and that they can never 100% control the outcome. Don’t approach with outcome based intentions such as to get a phone number or to kiss a girl. Instead try to focus on the process that’s involved that you’re in control of that will yield the results that you want, such as:

• Did I approach immediately?
• Did I have good body language?
• Did I touch her as soon as I met her?

Etc etc

3 – Give yourself 3 ‘Warm-ups’

Most guys put way too much pressure on themselves when they are out meeting women. They try and do everything perfectly the first time, and beat themselves up when they don’t get the result that they want. This unrealistic expectation is one of the biggest sources of anxiety and fear

Let go of the need to get it right first time, every time. Give yourself 3 approaches at the start of every session that ‘don’t count’. This way you get to be more relaxed and focus on getting into a social mood instead of beating yourself up about every little detail

As you can imagine, since beginning my journey of being naturally successful with women back in early 2008, I have created countless other tools, tips, systems and strategies that I have available in helping men overcome their fear of approaching women, although I can only cover so much in this article.

You might want to also check out this article and video about How to Overcome Approach Anxiety

If you would like to know more about how we can help you with your Confidence, Dating and Relationships contact us now for a FREE & confidential 10 minute consultation

Ben Alexander

I am contacted frequently by men wanting to know how to date a work colleague.

In fact, what prompted me to write this article about how to date a work colleague was this recent question I was asked by one of my clients in Melbourne Australia:

“Hi Ben, how would you handle the situation where you are attracted to a girl you have professional relationship with and without risking it?”

“So what was the answer?!” I hear you ask? Here is my response…

(And make sure you read right to the end so you fully understand this so-often misunderstood situation, AND know the best way to proceed if you decide to)

Note 1 – In terms of ‘abundance’ (meaning you now know how to meet any girl, anywhere), you can now easily meet 10 more awesome girls whenever and wherever you like, so why would you need to risk losing a professional relationship? Why not find another girl who doesn’t have this conflict of interest.

(Obviously Note 1 relates to one of my clients who is now able to meet women anywhere he chooses and may not apply to everyone)

Note 2 – What kind of dynamic have you established with this girl already? Because if you already have a friendly dynamic established, then you are likely already ‘friend zoned’ in her mind, and it’s too late to re-classify yourself as a romantic interest

Note 3 – Because so many men don’t know how to meet women properly, it’s so cliche for guys to hit on women they are working with. This is because a working alongside a women is one of the few opportunities that men who don’t know how to meet women get to spend time with women. Because women have to be friendly and even a little flirty on a professional level to maintain and forge business relationships, men sometimes misinterpret this as being more than it is.

My current girlfriend has many of her clients flirting with her and hitting on her, and she literally had a client do this to her just the other day. As she starts telling me the story, I already know how it ends because it’s just SO predictable.

She starts by saying “A client came in the other day. He wanted to add me on social media so when he’s out of the country he can still conduct business etc….”

And I’m thinking “Sigh…here we go again. Let me guess! I bet he starts messaging you unprofessionally….”

And she carries on with the story and eventually gets to “And then yesterday he’s been messaging me ALL day blah blah blah…” and my eyes are rolling inside my head like marbles haha!

I very rarely actively hit on women who are waitresses, bartenders, shop assistants, work colleagues, clients, women providing me professional services etc because usually they are being overly nice to you for professional reasons, so it’s not an accurate indicator of their interest towards you. If they stand to gain something from the interaction, they can often be more compliant and show more interest than they usually would if they’d met you outside of their work environment.

This is no different to a girl being friendly to you in a nightclub till you buy her a drink, and then she disappears.

The fact is that MOST of the time I would RATHER keep the professional relationship with a woman than risk losing it. Again, this is only because I simply know I can now meet another girl as good or even better now I’ve mastered the skill of meeting and naturally attracting women.

There are always exceptions to every rule. For example if I noticed that the girl was very actively pursuing me romantically, or flirting in a way that there could be no mistake that she is interested to become romantically involved in spite of the professional relationship then I might make an exception.

As far as your question goes, there is never ZERO risk in anything in life.

There are merely:

• Choices
• Consequences

You have to make a decision based on your assessment of the consequences, and proceed in a way that maximises upside and minimises downside

This calculation is also always subjective to the person concerned, so from my perspective I might consider there is a bigger downside than upside potential and therefore the risk to benefit ratio for me isn’t acceptable to proceed for example:

– Personally in these types of situations, because I know I can meet awesome girls all the time, I would usually choose to keep things professional in order to not risk burning the professional relationship.

– IF you’re reading this and in your situation you have limited opportunity and experiences with awesome girls so far, you might decide the upside potential outweighs the risk of losing the professional relationship and therefore you might choose to proceed and attempt to date your work colleague.

So in summary:

• Do your analysis
• Minimise risk as best you can

FULLY ACCEPT the risk remaining and consequences if you do proceed.

Now…if you DO decide that the upside outweighs the downside, there are still better or worse ways of minimising risk in terms of keeping the relationship intact if you make an advance that is unwelcome.

The following sentence is the best way I have so far found to introduce the idea of dating a work colleague:

“It’s a shame we work together. You’re actually pretty awesome/cute/attractive. If we didn’t work together I’d totally let you take me out for coffee.”

The above sentence is so effective because:

1 – You are telling her it can’t happen, so you position yourself as the decision maker

2 – Because you’ve already told her it can’t happen, you can’t be ‘rejected’

3 – This raises the topic of you and her dating and allows her to consider it without any pressure

4 – It creates the opportunity for her to disagree with you and she might tell you that she’d like to date you regardless of your professional relationship

5 – It’s cheeky, flirty and fun, and introduces the topic in a way that she will enjoy

IMPORTANT TIPS FOR DELIVERING THE ABOVE!

• Make sure you say it with a fun smile
• If she doesn’t take the bait and insist she’d like to go on a date with you, you need to respect her choice and move on immediately. Don’t try and convince her to change her mind or be pushy. This will only creep her out and guarantee you destroy your professional relationship or chance or romance later on if she reconsiders
• Don’t apologise for bringing it up, this shows weakness

So those are my thoughts on how to date a work colleague. Hope this helps.

If you’d like to speak to someone from The Legends Academy about how we can help you to naturally meet and attract women anytime, anywhere, then contact us here today.

Thanks for reading. Please share if you liked it.

Ben Alexander

Do you want to know how to be an Alpha Male but you don’t want to be an a$$hole or mistreat people?

The Alpha Male is one of the most misunderstood concepts and can often be taken to extremes by men who are overcompensating for being pushed around in the past

So what is an Alpha Male and why should you learn how to be an Alpha Male?

The idea of Alpha Males goes back to when we lived in small tribal groups as hunters and gatherers, and perhaps much earlier. We also see this in the animal kingdom where there is often a dominant male figure in a group of animals. This can also be a female figure depending on the species.

The early human Alpha Males would lead a tribe or social group. They would control the resources, the hunting and direction of the group and act as a patriarch. Because these strong (often physically) males would demonstrate the best opportunities for survival and breeding success they would be the most sought after by the women in the group

As there was no label or badge to demonstrate his status as the dominant male in the group the Alpha Male would use body language and vocal cues to demonstrate his position. This is similar to a silverback gorilla beating his chest in a display of strength and dominance

We are still wired to be able to detect and respond to these cues from people in modern society even though our environment has changed substantially

Watch the video to learn more about a few of the ways you can begin to demonstrate yourself as more of an alpha male so you too can begin to enjoy living life on your own terms and being much more attractive to women

What Are The Best Tinder Pickup Lines For Men To Use?

And If There Are Good Tinder Pickup Lines Why Do So Many Men Struggle With Tinder?

Especially When I Am Able To Get 95% Of Women To Respond To My Opening Message…

The Answer Is Because MOST MEN Don’t Understand How To Craft An Opening Message For Tinder

So they end up:

• Playing it safe with something boring like “Hey” or “What are you up to?”
• Sending something vile like “Wanna fuck?”
• Sending one of the tinder pickup lines they found online that the girl has already received hundreds of times

The results from the above are usually pitiful (at best) and most men quickly become very frustrated, lose patience and quit Tinder altogether claiming that “All the girls on there are bitches” or “It only works if you’re good looking”

So how is it that a bald, skinny, average looking guy like myself has been able to get as high as a 95% response rate to my opening messages?

(An actual response from one of my Tinder messages)

Let me share with you the secret to Tinder pickup lines so you too can craft your own unique, high converting opening message and start enjoying the wonderful women of Tinder for yourself

( Everything you are about to learn is a small portion from my Complete Tinder & Online Dating Success program which is available here: http://naturalattractionblueprint.com/tinder )

Let’s start by understanding WHY women are so picky about good Tinder pickup lines

You may not realise it, but most men aren’t selective at all when it comes to Tinder (or dating in general). Are you guilty of this?

A large amount of men choose to match with every girl without even looking at the girls’ profiles claiming “It takes too much time to look at them all. I’ll just look when I get a match”

For any women reading, this accounts for all of those guys you match with that don’t message you. Once you match these men, they read your profile and if they decide they don’t like you, they won’t message you

Because of the low standards of men, an attractive woman can essentially match with any man that comes up on her screen instantly

This means she will often get 10, 30, 50 or more matches per day!

Most of those matches will have no idea how to use Tinder and send the useless Tinder pickup lines from the list above which usually earns them instant dismissal

You can see from this high number of matches why women are so selective about the Tinder pickup lines they respond to AND why it’s SOOO important for you to stand out with an amazing Tinder pickup line

So let’s now look at the formula I used to craft mine and my client’s high converting Tinder pickup lines

Rule 1 – Open your Tinder messaging by using the girl’s name

This sounds too simple to be important but let’s think about it. People who are likely to address you by name are usually friends, family or work colleagues. All people who you are familiar with

Addressing her by her name builds rapport and makes her start to feel more comfortable with you straight away as you talk with her as though you know her well

Rule 2 – Keep your opening Tinder messages Simple, Light & Fun

Too many men take Tinder WAY too seriously. They send women opening messages that are heavy and serious. It’s too intense for a girl who has never met you before and doesn’t want to know your life story

It’s important to have a fun approach to Tinder that is almost laughing at the whole concept of it. I would suggest to write something very light, silly, short and sweet.

E.g. “Seeking human females for coffee shop research project. Successful applicants will be required to ingest coffee and make conversation. Apply within.”

(I literally just made the above up on the spot. Just take note of the silly, light-hearted tone and use your own personality, humour and interests to come up with something unique – and remember this article is likely to be viewed by THOUSANDS of men, so the above line could wear thin very quickly. Make up your own)

Rule 3 – Do not ask any questions in your opening Tinder message

Asking questions in your opening Tinder message makes you appear boring and needy

If you open with “What are you up to?” for example, you are basically communicating to her “I’m bored, I am not interesting, I am not doing anything fun, I am too lazy to be creative and set myself apart from the hundreds of other men who have messaged you. You should assume I am a loser and ignore me”

Sound harsh? Sometimes the truth is cruel

Avoid asking questions. If you want to get information from her, you can do this by changing the question into a statement

Eg: “What are you up to?” becomes “I bet you’re lying on your bed wishing all of the Tinder guys were as awesome as me”

Rule 4 – Your opening Tinder message shouldn’t require a response

For the reasons stated above, and in the interests of not being a value-sucking, boring leach, we want to send an opening Tinder message that doesn’t require her to respond for it to be valid

Often girls are inundated with men matching and messaging them on Tinder so they are very unlikely to want to answer the same, lame question 100 times a night. If you send her “So what are you up to?” and she doesn’t respond, it really leaves you little else to follow up with without appearing needy and like you have no substance

Sending a message that stands up on its own merit regardless of whether she responds or not is a great way to combat this

Eg: If you sent her “Hey Sarah. Because I always think of the important things in life, I was wondering if in the future they will have a version of Tinder for pets”, it doesn’t matter if she responds or not, and it’s also something a bit more interesting and a point of difference that demonstrates ‘you’re not like all the other guys’

Rule 5 – Sign off by using your name

Even though your name is on your profile, it’s a nice touch to make an introduction to the girl using your name so she feels a little more like she’s met you. She’s also a lot more likely to remember your name this way

It also shows good social skills and is more genuine. A little effort goes a long way

Eg: Sign off with something like “Nice to meet you. Ben”

For me to get to a 95% response rate of my Tinder pickup lines there was a process of refining and testing required, but I had to figure out all of the rules above the hard way and didn’t have articles and videos like these to help me

Remember to get my full Tinder & Online Dating Success System and learn how to TRIPLE the number of girls you Bait, Attract & Meet from Tinder, AND make sure you also follow the “3 Step First Date Strategy” in my book, The Natural Attraction Blueprint, to make sure your dates are a success and don’t go to waste.

Take a little time to get good Tinder pickup lines up and running they will serve you well

Contact Us now if you would like more help with your confidence or dating & relationship success

Question: How to approach a girl when she’s running?

Answer: So many beautiful girls run to stay in shape and I’m really pleased that they do!

If you don’t know how to approach a girl when she’s running you are missing out on some of the biggest opportunities with girls you may not otherwise ever see in a bar or nightclub

Approaching a girl when she is running is actually essentially the same as approaching a girl that is walking except:

– You need to move faster
– The approach distances are a little higher to allow the girl to feel more comfortable

So this is how you do it!

If she’s already run past you:

1 – Run after her

2 – Overtake her and keep going till you get about 5 metres in front of her

3 – Turn to face her but keep running backwards in front of her, and be careful to leave her an escape path so she’s comfortable

4 – SMILE A LOT and have both of your hands out in front of you at about waist height and…

5 – Say something like “Hey, just quickly, I know this is totally random, but I really wanted to meet you, Hi, I’m [YOUR NAME]”

– It’s high risk but high reward because most guys don’t have the confidence to even attempt this
– Be prepared to keep running for a while till the girl becomes comfortable enough to stop and chat
– Be prepared to scare a lot of girls who just cannot comprehend what is happening

It’s 100% important that you give her LOTS of space and only approach when in front of her and keep moving to maintain the space until she stops, OR is comfortable to run alongside you

If she is running in your direction towards you before she’s already past you:

– Do the same as above but without the running past her part. Start running backwards when she’s about 5 metres away in front of you

IMPORTANT: Because it VERY rare for girls to be approached like this and pretty much never happens to them, understand that a lot of them will be creeped out by it

Often the girls just simply don’t know what to do in that situation or how to respond, so it’s easier for them to ignore you and run off than to deal with a potentially awkward situation (or what society would say only a crazy person would do)

The above paragraph also applies to most girls in general when they are approached by a someone they haven’t met before

So remember, often they aren’t rejecting YOU, they are just rejecting the possibility of feeling awkward, so be patient and stay there and persist until they:

– Become receptive
– They leave
– They very firmly and seriously ask you to leave…haha…very rare for this

BONUS TIP: A lot of girls run (and walk) with headphones in. Often they use this as an excuse to ignore you, or more commonly, men use this as an excuse to not start a conversation with a woman with headphones on

The way to deal with this is to do all of the same as above, only when you are facing her and SMILING A LOT:

You then make a gesture of you pulling out imaginary headphones you’re wearing by putting your hands next to your ears, making a pinch gesture with your fingers, and pulling them out repeatedly a few times with a look of friendly urgency on your face as though she will miss out if she doesn’t comply

Found this post useful?

Remember to Share with a friend! Help a fellow Legend out!

Comment below if this was helpful and with your tips for approaching girls who are running

Let’s talk about the Top 5 Biggest Dating Mistakes that Men Make.

It’s so important that you know this because if you don’t know it you’re:

• Going to mess up dates
• End up in the ‘Friend-zone”
• You’re going to go on one date with a girl and you’re never going to see her again
• You are going to waste SO MANY opportunities with amazing girls

So you need to know about the 5 biggest dating mistakes men make so you can:

• Go on a date with a girl and have an amazing date
• Make girls want to see you again for more dates
• Make girls attracted to you and want to be more than friends with you
• Make girls your girlfriend and beyond, whatever you want to have happen!

Mistake #1 – So many guys are actually doing the wrong kind of date.

So many guys they see a movie and they see a guy and a girl sitting at table opposite each other having a really serious, formal expensive dinner to and they think that must be the way you date.

ow that that’s great for a movie plot line and even for a girl you’ve been seeing for a while or your girlfriend, but in reality if you want to have an amazing date then you’re going to do want to do something really low-key initially for the first date.

The first date doesn’t need to be this really expensive, serious, formal dinner occasion.

Most of the time the above is not going to help you. It’s going to make the girl nervous to show up. She’s going to think “I need to get my makeup done, and my hair. I might need to buy a new outfit. Who’s going to pay? Will he be expecting something in return?” and this kind of thing.

It’s too formal, it’s too serious and most girls are going to be less likely come on that kind of a first date.

Instead set up something more relaxed like go meet her for coffee, go for a walk somewhere at a market that is going on, get a drink at a nice bar etc.

Go and do something really low key and casual, not something hugely expensive and formal.

It will make her feel more relaxed and actually more inclined to show up AND you’re going to feel more relaxed as well about the occasion.

That’s definitely what I recommend to overcome the first mistake.

Mistake #2 – Guys take dating WAY too seriously.

They get on a date with the girl and think “I have to get everything right because otherwise she’s not gonna see me again and she’s going to think I’m a loser” and this kind of thing. You need to be more relaxed.

You need to have an approach to dating that it’s for fun. Know that if you’re relaxed it’ll allow her to relax. If you’re nervous she’s going to feel it and it’s just going to make her nervous and uncomfortable with you too. Watch our female psychology video to work out why this last point is so important too.

So give yourself a break. Maybe take a deep breath or two if that’s what you need as well.

Have fun. I don’t want to go on a date if it’s not fun and I don’t think that you would either.

So make it fun. Make it relaxed and just be calm. She’s also going to feel a lot more comfortable around you when you’re feeling that way.

Mistake #3 – So many guys are trying to impress girls.

Girls did not want you to try an impress them.

You know that so many girls say that the most attractive thing is when a guy is himself and when he’s confident.

When you go on dates just drop any kind trying to impress her.

Don’t tell you that you earn a lot of money. Don’t try and show her your expensive watch. Don’t tell her about your flashy car.

Girls have heard all this before.

Trying to impress girls actually has the reverse effect. She will start to wonder why you are so determined to persuade her that you are a great guy, or that you’re wealthy etc.

Think about it. A movie star generally doesn’t need to go around telling people about their wealth and fame. It’s just a given. On the other hand, someone who isn’t confident, isn’t sure of themselves, isn’t sure they will be accepted will often try really hard to impress others to gain acceptance.

This is a very ugly and needy personality trait that if you’ve experienced from someone else before, you will agree that it’s the last thing you would want to do with a girl you just met on a date.

Mistake #4 – So many guys are talking about really boring stuff on dates and it’s just not fun.

You need to structure opportunities on the date to have some banter, some fun and playful back and forth and also introduce some flirty topics.

Not sleazy or gross topics.

Just some fun, flirty misinterpretations of things that can get onto some more risqué topics.

We have some other really great videos and resources for you to check out if you want to know more about how to do that really well.

It’s really REALLY important that you have a fun date. Get onto some fun topics, mess around a bit and not be too serious about life and avoid the boring interview type dates because that’s what most guys are doing and it just does not work!

Mistake #5 – So many guys end dates way too early.

For example, if you go on a date with a girl for coffee, that could maybe only take half an hour or so.

Don’t just say “We finished our coffee. Uh, guess I’ll see you later”, say goodbye, leave, and then maybe never see her again.

You’ve gone to the trouble to get her there, and she’s made the effort to come and meet you. You must keep her with you as long as possible.

The more time you to spend together the more time to get more comfortable with each other, build a connection and get to know each other so it’s really important that you extend the date as long as possible.

For example on a coffee date, when you finish your coffee then say “Hey, look we’re in a nice part of town here, let’s go for a walk around and see what’s happening”.

If she has time and is enjoying your company, she’ll happily spend more time with you get to know you better.

You can go check out some stuff then maybe there’s a nice bar or something nearby and you can say “Hey, let’s shoot in here and grab a quick drink” and if she’s still having a good time she’ll probably say “Ok”.

It’s just about spending more time with her, having more experiences together, getting more comfortable with each other and there’s way more chance that she’s going to want to see you again if you build a much stronger connection on the first date.

Bonus!!!

So many guys don’t take the opportunity to maybe hold hands, kiss a girl etc on a date when the opportunity presents itself.

Often the opportunity is there but so many guys are just too afraid. They don’t want to try for it because they are worried that the girl might say ‘no’ or ‘reject’ them.

Remember, if you don’t take opportunities like that, sure you’re never going to get told ‘no’ or ‘rejected’, however you’re also never going to kiss any girls or get a girlfriend.

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” – Wayne Gretzky

Some girls are more patient than others although most girls find it attractive when a guy is prepared to take opportunities and not doing so is often seen as weak, un-confident, and ultimately less attractive.

If you see the opportunity, take it. It’s the only way to have a chance to move things forward.

Remember to Contact Us for a free consultation to see how we can help you

Do You Suffer From Approach Anxiety When Meeting Women?

Would You Like To Learn How You Can Conquer Approach Anxiety When You Want To Approach A Woman?

“Approach Anxiety” Is The Name Given To That Horrible Nervousness That Often Paralyses Guys When They Even Think About Approaching A Woman They Are Attracted To…

Approach Anxiety is actually the symptom of a Fear Of Failure or Fear of “Rejection” that results from an underlying lack of confidence

Join Ben Alexander From The Legends Academy On A Sunny Day In Melbourne Australia As He Talks About How To Conquer Approach Anxiety…

And Then Decides To Do Some Impromptu LIVE Daygame Infield Approaches Which He Captures On Video For You To See Just How Easy It Can Be To Approach Women When know how to Do It The Right Way

Watch The Video Now To Learn How you Can Conquer Approach Anxiety

You might want to also check out this article and video about How to Overcome Fear of Approaching a Girl

If you would like to know more about how we can help you with your Confidence, Dating and Relationships contact us now for a FREE & confidential 10 minute consultation

Ben Alexander

The Legends Academy Natural Attraction Blueprint Retreat Was Designed For Clients Who Want To Completely Immerse Themselves In An Intensive Training Program To Improve Their Success With Women As Quickly As Possible

Natural Attraction Blueprint Retreat

The Legends Academy Have Developed Arguably The Most Intense Live Immersion Training Program For You To Get The Biggest And Fastest Improvement Possible In Your Success With Women

Spread Over Minimum 5 Days & Nights The Legends Academy Natural Attraction Blueprint Retreats Are Designed To Be A Full-Time Experience Where You Will Breathe, Eat And Sleep Success With Women To The Point Where Your Improvement Is Inevitable

Watch the video here:

In addition to the intense nature of the retreat, client attendance numbers on Legends Academy Natural Attraction Blueprint Retreats are kept to 5 persons max to ensure everyone gets all of the attention and support they need so they can make the progress they want

A typical day consists of:

• Wake up and have breakfast, often as a group
• Group debrief of each attendee’s individual experience from the previous day & night
• Personalised feedback and advice
• NLP re-coding as required
• Personalised goal setting and missions for the day & night ahead
• Free time – often attendees go to swim, do daygame, explore. Sometimes the group will go and enjoy activities together
• Sometimes there is an organised daygame session with individuals or as a group as suitable
• Evening briefing/dinner with personalised missions assigned
• Night Infield Training

Does this sound like something you want to be a part of? If so, contact us now and save your spot on the next Legends Academy Natural Attraction Blueprint Retreat

Remember to watch the video here https://youtu.be/VMDVp4g9wQ0

Acceptance to Legends Academy Natural Attraction Blueprint Retreats is by personal interview only to ensure the success of individuals and the group as a whole

Did You That Approaching Dating And Relationships From Abundance Mindset v Scarcity Mindset Completely Affects Your Success?

Do You Ever Wish You Had More Choice In The Women You Date?

Join Ben Alexander from The Legends Academy as he talks about a dating experience in Sydney Australia which highlighted the importance of having an abundance mindset and not a scarcity mindset

Learn how scarcity plays a large role in the high divorce rates and dysfunctional relationships in today’s modern society, and how you can avoid some of the pitfalls of dating and ensure you are on the road to relationship success

Knowing about the difference between Abundance Mindset v Scarcity Mindset is the basis for your success in dating and relationships (or your lack of success)

At any given moment we are making choices and living our lives according to our perception. Perception is everything. For example, someone who perceives the world to be a terrible place will have a completely different experience than if they perceived the world to be a wonderful place

The same applies to our perception when it comes to dating, and this is where and Abundance Mindset v Scarcity Mindset is affecting our dating lives

To perceive abundance in dating is to believe that you are in the position of being able to choose who it is that you would like to have a relationship with

You believe that you do not have to settle for someone less than your requirements. You believe that there are lots of people in the world that meet your standards. You are happy to let go of people you encounter that do not meet your standards for the above reasons. To have an ‘abundance mindset’ means that you will not settle for someone who isn’t suitable therefore meaning you are much more likely to have a happy and successful relationship and are far less likely to have a dysfunctional or failed relationship

To have a ‘scarcity mindset’ in dating is to believe that you are in the position of being limited to settle for whoever it is that will have you. People stuck in scarcity often settle for less than they want or deserve because they don’t believe they are able to attract the quality of partner that they truly want. They also often believe that there simply aren’t many people out there that they could be truly happy with

Sadly most people do not choose Abundance. To be fair, most people don’t know they have a choice. Also, most people don’t believe it’s as simple as deciding because their past experiences tell a story of not having the choice they want

Dysfunctional or mediocre relationships make up the vast majority. We are even socially conditioned through movies, soap operas and magazines etc to believe that most relationships are either mediocre or dysfunctional. Think about it and you will surely have to agree. Usually there’s the old nagging and groaning couple. The jealous couple. The couple who are always fighting. Divorced or divorcing couples

This conditioning makes it easier for us to accept mediocrity and dysfunction because we believe it to be normal and acceptable

How do you avoid this mediocrity, dysfunction and scarcity?

Most people just chase new skills or information and may see small improvements, but then they wonder why old behaviours and results creep back in. To do the above is like changing the water in a fish bowl, but you don’t clean the glass of the bowl to remove the dirt. As soon as you pour in the new water, it immediately becomes soured by the old dirt

So what’s the solution then? Buy some glass cleaner? Almost haha…

Well it all starts with your beliefs about the world and about yourself

Your beliefs determine your entire perception, and therefore your actions, and therefore your results. Whatever results you get serve to reinforce your initial beliefs

If your beliefs are unhelpful, you will take actions that reflect those unhelpful beliefs, and you will most likely get results that you don’t want, and your unhelpful beliefs will be reinforced

This looks like:

• I don’t believe I am good at talking to people I am attracted to – Belief
• When I go to talk to someone I am attracted to, I am nervous – Actions
• As a result I make the other person uncomfortable, and they aren’t interested in me – Results
• SEE!!! I told you I’m not good at talking to people I’m attracted to! – Belief Reinforced

You spiral down and down in this pattern as it’s reinforced

If you change your beliefs to helpful beliefs, you will take more effective actions, and your results will immediately be inline with what you want

This looks like:

• I believe I am good at talking to people I am attracted to – Belief
• When I go to talk to someone I am attracted to, I am confident – Actions
• As a result I make the other person comfortable and attracted to me – Results
• SEE!!! I told you I’m good at talking to people I’m attracted to! – Belief Reinforced

So you start spiraling UP instead of spiraling DOWN

Contact us today if you would like to learn about how we can help you to break the cycle of scarcity and get you spiraling UP into the success and abundance you deserve

Do you know the biggest mistake men make messaging women?

It’s important to know this big mistake men make messaging women because it’ll help you avoid:

1. Ending up in the ‘friend zone’
2. Conversations fizzling out
3. Wasting opportunities with women who are attracted to you

With the increase in written word communication in modern dating (Tinder/Whatsapp/Facebook/Online Dating etc), it has never been more important to have good messaging skills. If you fail to master messaging women, you will not even be in the same league as men who have, and you will struggle in the modern dating game

So what is the biggest mistake men make messaging women?

Failing to establish a “More Than Friends” dynamic with women by not incorporating sexual themes into their conversations

Men also frequently make this mistake in person with women too, although this article is just about messaging

How can you incorporate sexual themes without being creepy or gross?

One of the easiest and most fun ways to do this is through misinterpretation

When done CORRECTLY, misinterpreting an otherwise bland conversation piece with sexual innuendo allows you to establish a “more than friends” dynamic with a woman, in a fun, subtle and intelligent way, that they will be more receptive to than more obvious and crass sexual commentary (the latter actually often repels women if done when unwelcome or in the wrong way)

I have done over 12 months of extensive testing on the Tinder Dating App prior to writing this article,  and also have been mastering messaging women in general since I first started text messaging back in the year 2000

Here are a few fun REAL examples of how I’ve used misinterpretation to introduce sexual themes, and to introduce a ‘more than friends’ dynamic with girls I was messaging:

Want my full system for messaging girls with more tips and REAL screenshot examples?

Click to get a FREE copy of my Tinder, Online Dating & Messaging System!

Remember to Contact Us for a FREE Consultation if you would like to know how we can help you with your dating and relationship success

Ever felt like your own friends, family or work colleagues are holding you back? Need to change your environment?

There could be some truth to this

Often there are people or things in our environment that are preventing us from having the best chance of moving forward to make the changes we truly want

Watch this video with Attraction Expert Ben Alexander in the Gili Islands in Indonesia as he explains how changing your environment can make ALL the difference and help you have the life you truly deserve

http://youtu.be/zZqbYsv0KBk

Ever find yourself wondering what to say to women?

This is one of the most common questions I get asked by my clients and by almost every man I speak to that finds out what I do

I’ve already touched upon this subject in my article “The TRUTH About Pick Up Lines – Do They Really Work?” and today I will delve a little further into this topic of what to say to women

Learn more in this quick video blog about “How to not run out of stuff to say”

What Is The BEST Pick Up Line? Do Pick Up Lines Work?

These are questions I get asked all the time by guys all over the world

It’s not so much that routines/pick up lines don’t “work”. It’s the sort of person you become as a result of dependence on them

Most guys who learn how to meet women start with pick up lines and routines and most of us ditched them for a very good reason

Some of the principles are sound, however mostly it’s based on pressing buttons to get reactions. If you can’t get responses from women at all, routines and lines are the fastest way to change that. However what it doesn’t change is the underlying issue of why girls don’t acknowledge you. It’s essentially a band aid over a gaping wound. A quick patch up job

I like to think of pick up lines and routines more as training wheels as a substitute for Real Confidence before you realise it’s not so much ‘what you’re doing’ as ‘who you are’ as a person that’s making women attracted to you

Routines/pick up lines give you the confidence you wouldn’t otherwise have. Psychologically it looks kind of like this:

• You think you now have “the answer” that will cause girls to be attracted to you because of the routine/pick up line/technique/neg etc etc

• Because of this your confidence goes up and you approach expecting a good outcome/result

• Because you are now making a confident approach and acting like an alpha male, the girl responds like she would to an alpha male (to be clear, alpha males are actually more so ‘detached from outcome’ than expecting a good outcome)

• This then makes you believe that “it worked” because you used the routine/pick up line etc

• Then you go tell everyone how great routines and pick up lines are because you attribute your success to the routines or line etc

That has been my experience and something I have experienced with many of my clients. It usually goes something like this:

• My clients ask me for a pick up line/routine/technique

• I ask them why they need it

• They say because they don’t want to get “rejected”

• I ask them if a confident person would care about getting rejected

• They say no

• I ask them if they didn’t care about rejection anymore, would they need the pick up line/technique etc

• They say no

• We work on getting them Real Confidence

Contact us now to learn more about how we can get you real confidence

Have you ever wondered what are women attracted to?

There’s a Simple but Unbelievable Truth about what are women attracted to that will help you attract MORE Women…INSTANTLY!!! This is a concept that MOST men don’t “get” or understand, and as a consequence they don’t attract the women they desire. It is a simple concept when you know it, but the reason so many men miss out on this KEY bit of knowledge is that it is SO FAR FROM WHAT YOU WOULD EXPECT that it seems to DEFY LOGIC.

It seems TOO CRAZY TO BE TRUE!  In fact, most men will go their whole lives without learning and understanding the secret of what are women attracted to!

What you’re about to learn took me YEARS to work out…although it seems that what women are attracted to has remained the same for thousands of years. You see, us men are very “simple” creatures when it comes to attraction.  We can take one look at a woman for less than a second and know IMMEDIATLEY if we are attracted to her or not.  Also, if she is sweet and nice to us, we figure she is attracted to us.  That’s logical right?!  This is how I THOUGHT attraction worked for women too.

I thought that if I had the best clothes, an expensive watch, a nice car and lived in a nice house that women would be attracted to me.  I thought that if did nice things for her, took her out for dinners and on dates, bought her flowers and chocolates that she would want to be my girlfriend.  I thought that if I treated a girl like a princess that she would find me irresistible.  How could she not?!

I tried all of these things and all that would happen is the girl would take my dinners, flowers and chocolates and either never call me again at all, or tell me that ‘she just wanted to be friends’.  This was disheartening to say the least!

One day I got to thinking and this was a real turning point for me. I had noticed something that didn’t seem to make any “logical” sense.

What it was is that SOME of my friends seemed to be naturally successful at attracting women and I had always wondered what it was that they were ‘doing’.  Some of these naturally successful guys weren’t even “good looking” or “rich” or any of the other “stereotypical” things that I THOUGHT attracted women.  This led me to think there must be something BEYOND looks and money that women are attracted to.

This led me to the following important realisation that changed the course of my life:

I had been looking at attracting women from a MAN’S perspective instead of a WOMAN’S perspective. I needed to learn how women think about attraction before I could fully understand what women are attracted to.  Seems so simple right?! Not really!!!

I began to spend a lot of time studying everything from human behaviour and psychology to body language to try and find out anything that I thought would unlock the secrets of what women are really attracted to. I started to relate my new knowledge to what my naturally successful friends were “doing” and what I found was so ALARMING that I couldn’t believe it!

Men are instantly attracted by predominantly PHYSICAL attributes in a woman, whereas WOMEN are more attracted by a man’s PERSONALITY!!!

WOMEN are attracted to a MAN they interact with if he displays certain PERSONALITY TRAITS and QUALITIES. Maybe read the previous sentence a few times to make sure you understand it. That’s it!!!  Finally it all made sense!  How could I have missed this for so many years?!

Now I was dismissive of this at first.  How could women be attracted to a guy without being worried about his looks or job or car etc?  But then I realised that is how a man would think.  Men are very logical.

Women are more governed by their emotions than their logical minds.  They make decisions based on what “FEELS RIGHT” at the time.  Then they rationalise those emotions and feelings so they can assign meanings to them and make sense of them.

For example: If a woman is having fun with a man, she will want to keep experiencing those emotions, and won’t be thinking logically about his looks or job or car. She will find the man attractive because of the way he makes her FEEL!  Then she will rationalise herself feeling these good emotions when she is with him as meaning she is attracted to him.

COMMON SENSE DISCLAIMER: Am I saying good looks, clothes, height, money, job, car, fame, age etc have no absolutely bearing on a woman being attracted to a man? No.

What I AM SAYING is that they are NOT AS IMPORTANT as most men believe they are.

IN SUMMARY:

WOMEN and MEN are attracted in very different ways

MEN are more attracted to PHYSICAL attributes

WOMEN are more attracted to a man’s PERSONALITY and the FEELINGS she feels when she’s with him

WOMEN are governed by their EMOTIONS.  They make decisions on what “FEELS RIGHT” at the time and then they will rationalise meanings based on those feelings.

This is GREAT NEWS FOR MEN!!!

It means you don’t need to be rich or good looking etc to be able to attract women.  You simply need to understand how to generate the right emotions in a woman so she will rationalise herself being attracted to you. Now you can understand why some guys who aren’t rich or good looking etc have amazing success with women.  They are practicing what you’ve just learnt! Any man who knows this can learn how to attract women!  He can make HUGE improvements in his success with women regardless of his age, looks, how much money he has etc.

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Ben Alexander

You finally got the opportunity to go on a first date with that special woman AND YOU BLEW IT!

WHAT WENT WRONG!?!?

There are actually some fundamental differences in the ways men and women approach dating, particularly first dates.  Understanding these differences will help make sure you never needlessly mess up another date again!

MEN see a first date as a huge opportunity.  It very well could be!  If you are like most guys, it can take you a while to build up the courage to ask a woman out on a first date.  And THEN there’s the question of “will she say yes?”

Men put a lot of pressure on themselves to not “screw it up”.  This pressure is often the reason men make a bad impression on a first date.  They are become so nervous that they can’t possibly relax.  They say and do stupid things because they are so “on edge”.

These behaviours are often detected by the woman and she will feel uncomfortable with the man, essentially destroying the chance of her wanting to see him again.

WHY IS THIS?

When a man asks a woman on a first date, often he has already decided he likes a woman enough that he would want her to be his girlfriend or wife or lover if the date goes well.  If a man “screws up” a date, he can actually sometimes FEEL like he’s lost a girlfriend or wife or lover, even if that outcome was not even certain to begin with!

Because a man feels like this “projected future” with the woman is on the line when he goes on a date with her, most men will go on dates and feel like their every move and every word is being judged by the woman.  They will be in a high state of nervousness and tension for the whole date because they are worried that if they make a single “wrong move” or “say the wrong thing” that the woman will instantly leave, or not return their calls or messages etc.

It is as though the man is trying to demonstrate that he is worthy of the woman.  A man will often “try to impress” a woman on a date.  It is as though he is a salesman “selling himself” to the woman.  You could call the way the man is acting above the “seller role”.

WOMEN on the other hand see first dates very differently.

Although a woman may be curious enough about a man to go on a first date with him, she sees it more like an interview.  A woman will decide DURING a date if they like the man enough to want to CONTINUE seeing him for further dates, or as a boyfriend, husband or lover etc.

For a WOMAN, going on a first date with a man DOES NOT mean that she has decided that she wants to see him again.

A woman will feel MUCH LESS pressure and stress on a date because she hasn’t decided on the man yet, so she is not so worried about her own actions.  She has nothing to lose.  She feels like she doesn’t have the man yet, so if the date goes badly, she is in the same position.  She only stands to gain.

FOR EXAMPLE:

If the guy does something she doesn’t like, she may see it as a reason not to see him again.

If she has a lot of fun with the guy and she gets a “good feeling” from spending time with him, she will naturally want to spend more time with him and see him on future occasions.

If the man is acting as “the seller”, this effectively makes the woman the decision maker.  The woman becomes the person who decides whether the “merchandise” is good enough to buy.  In this case, of course, the “merchandise” is the man she’s going on the date with, and “buying” means deciding to continue seeing him.  You could say the woman is in the “buyer role”.

The dynamic of these two very different approaches to dating between men and women is often the reason why so many guys mess up their first dates, and often subsequent dates too if they even get that far!

HOW DOES A MAN PLAYING THE “SELLER ROLE” SCREW UP THE DATE?

For a man to play “the seller”, he actually FEEDS INTO the woman’s role of being “the buyer”.  The man acting like he needs to prove his worthiness to the woman sends signals to her that she is the decision maker and that he is the one being “judged” as to whether HE is “good enough” for HER.

The more he “tries to impress” or “say/do the right thing” to show he is “good enough” for the woman, the more nervous and uncomfortable he becomes.  This behaviour causes the man to say and do stupid things because he’s too concerned about the outcome of the date to make a normal, relaxed impression. This ruins the date experience for the woman, and I’m sure it can’t be much fun for the man in this situation either.  Especially if he really liked the woman and he never hears from her again!

THIS IS ACTUALLY VERY IRONIC!!!

The MORE the man tries to make a good impression, the LESS of a good impression he actually makes.

WHAT IS THE SOULUTION?!

The solution is quite simple!  Sort of…

SWITCH ROLES!!!

Instead of playing “the seller”, ACTUALLY BECOME THE BUYER!

The truth of the situation is that MOST women are NOT a suitable match for you.  MOST of them will have things about them that will eventually annoy the heck out of you and in most cases will result in you not seeing each other anymore.

Part of the fun of dating is to find the women you have the best natural chemistry with.  By ACTUALLY BEING THE BUYER, you can go on dates with women coming from the position that YOU are screening HER to see if SHE meets YOUR standards for a girlfriend, wife or lover etc.

HOW DOES THIS SOLVE THE PROBLEM?

By actually becoming the buyer, you essentially remove the VAST MAJORITY of your nervousness and un-natural behaviours from your dates.

I’m sure that around friends and family you are a normal, well-adjusted person.  Most people would probably get along with you and enjoy your company.  This is because when you are with them, you aren’t all worked up and nervous because you don’t feel like your every move or every word is being analysed or judged.  You aren’t worried that your friends, family members or co-workers won’t want to see you anymore because you were just being yourself and not trying to impress them.

By being the buyer you aren’t so attached to the outcome of the date, and you can be your usual, relaxed self.  This is what women mean when they say “BE YOURSELF”.

HOW DO I “ACTUALLY BECOME THE BUYER”

The first step is awareness.

Now you’ve read the above you can now see where you went wrong on dates in the past.  This will prevent you from slipping back into the seller role as you will notice if your actions change back to your old, nervous behaviours.

SOME WAYS OF BEING THE BUYER ON A DATE INCLUDE:

• Asking the woman “qualifying questions” to see if she meets your criteria
• AT NO POINT trying to impress her or seeking approval from her.
• Being playfully teasing of her
• Not “hanging on her every word”

Now get out there and go try out your new dating toolkit!

Want to know how to meet women in bars and clubs?

Bars and clubs are great places to meet women because they are often frequented by lots of fun, single women who are out to have a good time and meet new people.

When meeting women in a bar or club it is VITALLY IMPORTANT to immediately set yourself apart from the usual boring guys that approach them.  Because bars and clubs often have a lot more going on, you need to be able to get AND HOLD her attention to avoid being blown away by the next guy.

One of the best ways to do this is to AVOID THE USUAL BORING CONVERSATION!

Avoid topics such as work, the weather, politics, religion, business, family etc.  Even if she brings these things up, or you get onto the topic by mistake, try and get back onto some fun topics right away, and maybe even playfully tease her for talking about the usual boring topics.

SOME TIPS FOR AVOIDING BORING CONVERSATIONS

• Point out something exciting or bizarre that you saw recently, like a girl walking round the club with her dress tucked into her underwear, or toilet paper stuck to her shoes.
• Set up a playful scenario that involves you and her, such as telling her you are going to steal her away aboard your pirate ship, and make her scrub your decks and cook your meals, but you will promote her to first mate if she does a good job.
• Get her to tell you the best joke she knows and that it has to be funny.  This makes her work for your approval.
• Make up nicknames for each other. Choose something about her and make up a funny nickname for her based on it.  For example, if you met a girl who was wearing a red jacket with a hood, you could call her Red Riding Hood (I’ve actually done this)
• Get her to tell you her deepest darkest secret and promise never to tell anyone.  Tell her if she tells you hers, you will tell her yours.

HOW TO “RULE THE CONVERSATION”

Women in bars and clubs sometimes have their guard up from meeting so many boring guys in a row.  This can mean she will give you an attitude at first.  If you can be patient with this and not let it get to you, or better still turn her attitude back onto her so she looks silly or you look clever, she will feel a huge amount of attraction towards you.

Here are a few examples on how to do this:

• If she tries to get you to do something for her, ask her what she will do in return.  You can decide from how good her answer is if you will comply with her initial request or not.
• If she calls you a jerk or a sleaze etc, ask her what it is that she likes so much about these qualities.
• If she brags to you about something, tell her you think it’s cute that she’s trying to impress you.

These above examples are designed to show her that you aren’t just another walkover, boring guy and that she has to work for your approval.  This will cause her to be extremely attracted to you and can even get HER chasing YOU!

You should always be playfully teasing and fun when using these types of responses and have the intention of making sure BOTH of you have a great time together.  A smile goes a long way and will let her know not to take your teasing the wrong way.

If you want to know more about how to meet women then check out this video: