Are you shy or introverted in social situations?
Do you wish you were more confident and outgoing?
This article is for you if you want to know how to not be shy anymore and learn how you can be more confident and outgoing in social situations
So many people struggle to feel confident in social situations and instead feel shy and introverted
I used to be one of these people too. I would struggle immensely in social situations. I would even experience anxiety attacks, and used to turn to alcohol to numb myself so I could feel like I fit in. I just wanted to know how to not be shy so I could make friends and feel normal
This can be extremely frustrating and even crippling to shy and introverted people, and if they don’t learn how to not be shy and introverted, they can end up living an isolated and unfulfilled life
Often this shyness is unnecessary and is no true indicator of the quality of a person. It is however an indicator of two things:
- The way that person thinks about themselves and the world
- The actions that person is taking (or NOT taking)
So let’s look at how you can learn how to not be shy!
Step 1 – Stop considering yourself as a ‘shy person’ or an ‘introvert’
Our thoughts and beliefs directly shape our experience of the world and the actions we take. They are like instructions to our brain and body of how to think, feel and act
Going further, our brain is also designed to constantly seek evidence that our current beliefs are true. Read that previous sentence again
You can see this is the way a person who has a religious belief will defend their religion with just as much certainty as an atheist will defend their position that God does not exist…
And both people with their opposite beliefs would pass a lie detector test that would show they are both telling the truth!
That is the power of beliefs, and that is how powerful the brains mechanism to defend a currently held belief is
Based on this, someone who has beliefs or thoughts such as:
- I’m a shy person
- I’m an introvert
- People don’t notice me
- I don’t like loud environments
- I’m not good at socialising
- I wish I knew how to not be shy
…and so on…
Is going to have a completely different life experience to someone who has beliefs or thoughts such as:
- I’m an outgoing person
- I’m an extrovert
- People love to meet me
- I love loud events
- I love to socialise
…and so on…
Just consider for a moment that both of the two people above are seeking evidence that their beliefs and thoughts are accurate…
And if you can, take a moment to imagine being either of those people at a lively, busy, loud social scenario, and I’m sure you will agree that one person will be having an amazing time, and the other will be hiding in the corner in terror or heading for the exits!
Which one of those two do you think your thoughts or beliefs are more similar to?
Knowing that, can you now see how your thoughts and beliefs may be limiting your ability to be more outgoing and confident?
“But it can’t be that simple!” you say…
How is that thought or belief also stopping you from having the life that you want?
My clients and I will tell you that it really CAN be that simple
As soon as you can accept that, you can let go of the struggle against the truth, and allow yourself to start creating a more effective belief system and way of thinking that will get you the results you want
Step 2 – Start considering yourself as a confident and outgoing person
Once you’ve stopped the self-imposed limitations, it’s time to start becoming the confident and outgoing person you were born to be
Begin to declare to yourself and others that you are a confident and outgoing person
This will tune in your mind to start to look for evidence that it’s true, and will instruct your brain to approach the world in a new way
Step 3 – Start taking actions that a confident and outgoing person takes
Knowledge is useless without application. It’s critically important that your new way of thinking and looking at the world is followed up strongly and persistently with actions that will push you gradually but consistently out of your comfort zone
So many people fail at doing this because they try to do too much all at once. Breaking this process up into smaller steps that allow you to slowly by steadily become more confident and outgoing, without becoming overwhelmed and retreating
Don’t get me wrong. There is always a level of discomfort involved in getting out of your comfort zone. It’s no different to starting a new school or job. It’s difficult at first, but then it becomes something you can do with ease.
When you do it the right way, things that were previously uncomfortable become the new normal.
If you liked this article then you may also like to check out How to Overcome Fear of Approaching a Girl
If you would like us to help you become more confident and outgoing, please Contact Us today and we can discuss a tailored solution for you