Have you ever fallen for someone you can’t have?
Maybe someone who’s already in a relationship or married?
Or maybe someone who you really like but they just don’t like you back?
Or maybe someone who you are stuck in the ‘friend zone‘ with?
Or maybe someone who lives far away in another city or even country so it makes relationship success highly unlikely?
So what will you learn from this video & article?
- Why we sometimes fall for people we can’t have
- How falling for someone you can’t have can sometimes be self-sabotage
- How to avoid falling for people you can’t have in the future
And as usual… much MUCH more 🙂
WARNING: This video and article is not for people who are determined to stay stuck and miserable pining after someone they can’t have. It’s for people who want to understand and resolve that situation so they can have a happier and healthier life.
Why do you fall for someone you can’t have?
The reason you fall for someone you can’t have is because you convince yourself that the person you are stuck on is your only chance, or your best chance, or your best option.
Now as much as the above might feel or seem very true, or very real, I want you to consider this just in case you’ve got it wrong:
If you could easily meet amazing people, anywhere, all of the time, would you still use your time, energy, resources and emotions to pursue someone who you couldn’t have?
Really think about that for a second…
Because, if you could easily meet other amazing people all the time, then it would be kind of ridiculous to spend so much time, energy, resources and emotions on someone who you either cannot have, or that doesn’t want you back…right?
Because you would simply go out and meet 10 other amazing people and quickly forget about the other person you couldn’t have…right?
“But it’s not that simple!” you say! “This person is different! I can’t find anyone else like this person! You just don’t understand! If they just knew who I really am! They are with the wrong person! This is TRUE love! This is unique! This is meant to be!” you say…
So long as you continue to convince yourself that this person is your only or best option or chance, and continue to force something that is never going to work out, then you will continue to stay stuck on that person who you can’t have.
That belief is the primary source of all of your current pain, agony, suffering, frustration etc. So how many more minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years do you want to keep hanging on to it?
Are you addicted to a feeling you get when you are around the person you can’t have?
Sometimes the first time we experienced the feeling of love or excitement etc was when we were with the person we are suck on who we can’t have. Although in truth, we could create these feelings all the time by ourselves simply by allowing ourselves to do so. This can be learned if you don’t know how, and it’s the same thing you do when you pine after that person when they are not actually there.
The problem is when we falsely associate the creation of those chemicals to a certain person. We start to feel in a very real way that the only way we can get that feeling again is to have that person around. If it was only possible to feel those feelings for a certain person, then how can other people have been in love multiple times and with different people? Or how can people all over the world love different people?
Feelings can become addictive. Because feelings cause chemicals to be released in our bodies, and our body begins to expect those same chemicals. If those chemicals aren’t present, we ‘don’t feel ourselves’ and we seek to create them again. It can sometimes take a bit of training before your body gets used to not having those feelings anymore, or till it learns to create them independently of other people being involved.
Are you sabotaging yourself?
Some people unconsciously (meaning you aren’t consciously aware you are doing it) look for situations that have a low or zero chance of working out.
Sounds crazy? Why would someone do this?
By finding someone who is unavailable and a situation with a low chance of success, you can keep your ego intact if it doesn’t work out.
Meaning, if you found someone who was available and it didn’t work out, then you might have to face the feeling of rejection or not being good enough. So by choosing a person who is unavailable, you always have an excuse as to why you ‘didn’t fail’ and how ‘it wasn’t your fault’.
On an even deeper level, some people unconsciously (again, not consciously or intentionally) have an identity of not being worthy or not deserving the person they want.
If you believe you are unworthy, you will go out and look for evidence of your beliefs being true. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy. Finding a person or situation where you cannot receive what you want allows your need to feel unworthy to be fulfilled.
Where would such a belief of unworthiness come from? It’s hard to say exactly without having a consultation with you, but likely causes include things such as:
- Your upbringing. Where the way you were treated by people you loved when growing up led you to believe you were undeserving, and therefore you started to believe that to feel love, you need to feel undeserving or unworthy.
- Or you observed others (such as a parent) in a relationship where they were neglected or mistreated, and so you started to learn or believe that love meant being unworthy or being neglected.
So how do you fix this self-sabotage?
Having a good coach who can teach you how to understand how you have created this problem, and then who can teach you how to consciously train your mind to create a happier, healthier experience of life.
How do you avoid falling for people you can’t have?
Firstly, make it a priority to observe the belief you have that the person you are stuck on is your only chance, or your best chance, or your best option. Create doubt about this being true. A great place to start would be to consider the following:
- Have you ever had a crush or loved someone before and then now you don’t feel the same way about that person?
- Have you ever had a friend you used to have that you don’t spend time with anymore?
- Have you ever had a food or drink you used to always have that you no longer eat or drink?
- Have you ever had a place you always used to go but now you never go there anymore?
If you have changed any of the above or similar before, then you can change this too! 🙂
Secondly, arguably the main problem that’s caused this situation is a complete lack of other good options. Most people don’t have the ability to easily and regularly meet other great people. Developing the confidence and social skills to be able to meet other amazing people, anywhere, anytime will allow you to do this. When you can do this, you are no longer limited to being stuck on someone you can’t have. You will even regularly meet people who are MORE compatible for you than the person you were stuck on, PLUS they will be available and interested in you as well!
At The Legends Academy we teach our clients how to meet any girl, anywhere, so for example:
- If she’s walking down the street
- At the supermarket
- At the gym
- In a bar or a nightclub
- At the beach…
Or wherever happen to see her, and also:
- If she’s by herself or with some friends
- Sitting down or standing
- Walking or running
- Even if she’s wearing headphones!
And so that means our clients have a massive advantage as they have:
- An unlimited amount of opportunities armed with how to meet any woman, anywhere
- The ability to create an opportunity whenever and wherever they choose
- The confidence and skills to do it
Just imagine for a second what that would be like? To have the confidence and skills to meet any woman, anywhere, any time? How many more options would that give you? And how much more chance would you have of finding a highly compatible partner?
You can see what our clients say in our testimonials section if you want some idea of what that looks like, but we LITERALLY have clients complaining that they have:
- Too many phone numbers to follow up
- Too many girls messaging them
- Too many dates
- Not enough time to see all of the girls who want to spend time with them
- They are struggling to choose their favourite girl from amongst all of their options
- Struggling to choose between an amazing dating life or an amazing relationship
And so on. REALLY!
So would you like (better) problems like this and to be our next success story?
We’d love to chat with you about your situation and see if and how we can help you get the life you deserve, so if you’d like to know more, please Contact Us today and we can have a quick chat.
Thanks for reading!