Do you know the biggest mistake men make messaging women?
It’s important to know this big mistake men make messaging women because it’ll help you avoid:
- Ending up in the ‘friend zone’
- Conversations fizzling out
- Wasting opportunities with women who are attracted to you
With the increase in written word communication in modern dating (Tinder/Whatsapp/Facebook/Online Dating etc), it has never been more important to have good messaging skills. If you fail to master messaging women, you will not even be in the same league as men who have, and you will struggle in the modern dating game
So what is the biggest mistake men make messaging women?
Failing to establish a “More Than Friends” dynamic with women by not incorporating sexual themes into their conversations
Men also frequently make this mistake in person with women too, although this article is just about messaging
How can you incorporate sexual themes without being creepy or gross?
One of the easiest and most fun ways to do this is through misinterpretation
When done CORRECTLY, misinterpreting an otherwise bland conversation piece with sexual innuendo allows you to establish a “more than friends” dynamic with a woman, in a fun, subtle and intelligent way, that they will be more receptive to than more obvious and crass sexual commentary (the latter actually often repels women if done when unwelcome or in the wrong way)
I have done over 12 months of extensive testing on the Tinder Dating App prior to writing this article, and also have been mastering messaging women in general since I first started text messaging back in the year 2000
Here are a few fun REAL examples of how I’ve used misinterpretation to introduce sexual themes, and to introduce a ‘more than friends’ dynamic with girls I was messaging:
Want my full system for messaging girls with more tips and REAL screenshot examples?
Remember to Contact Us for a FREE Consultation if you would like to know how we can help you with your dating and relationship success
Ever felt like your own friends, family or work colleagues are holding you back? Need to change your environment?
There could be some truth to this
Often there are people or things in our environment that are preventing us from having the best chance of moving forward to make the changes we truly want
Watch this video with Attraction Expert Ben Alexander in the Gili Islands in Indonesia as he explains how changing your environment can make ALL the difference and help you have the life you truly deserve
Ever find yourself wondering what to say to women?
This is one of the most common questions I get asked by my clients and by almost every man I speak to that finds out what I do
I’ve already touched upon this subject in my article “The TRUTH About Pick Up Lines – Do They Really Work?” and today I will delve a little further into this topic of what to say to women
Learn more in this quick video blog about “How to not run out of stuff to say”
What Is The BEST Pick Up Line? Do Pick Up Lines Work?
These are questions I get asked all the time by guys all over the world
It’s not so much that routines/pick up lines don’t “work”. It’s the sort of person you become as a result of dependence on them
Most guys who learn how to meet women start with pick up lines and routines and most of us ditched them for a very good reason
Some of the principles are sound, however mostly it’s based on pressing buttons to get reactions. If you can’t get responses from women at all, routines and lines are the fastest way to change that. However what it doesn’t change is the underlying issue of why girls don’t acknowledge you. It’s essentially a band aid over a gaping wound. A quick patch up job
I like to think of pick up lines and routines more as training wheels as a substitute for Real Confidence before you realise it’s not so much ‘what you’re doing’ as ‘who you are’ as a person that’s making women attracted to you
Routines/pick up lines give you the confidence you wouldn’t otherwise have. Psychologically it looks kind of like this:
You think you now have “the answer” that will cause girls to be attracted to you because of the routine/pick up line/technique/neg etc etc
Because of this your confidence goes up and you approach expecting a good outcome/result
Because you are now making a confident approach and acting like an alpha male, the girl responds like she would to an alpha male (to be clear, alpha males are actually more so ‘detached from outcome’ than expecting a good outcome)
This then makes you believe that “it worked” because you used the routine/pick up line etc
Then you go tell everyone how great routines and pick up lines are because you attribute your success to the routines or line etc
That has been my experience and something I have experienced with many of my clients. It usually goes something like this:
- My clients ask me for a pick up line/routine/technique
I ask them why they need it
They say because they don’t want to get “rejected”
I ask them if a confident person would care about getting rejected
They say no
I ask them if they didn’t care about rejection anymore, would they need the pick up line/technique etc
They say no
We work on getting them Real Confidence
Contact us now to learn more about how we can get you real confidence
Have you ever wondered what are women attracted to?
There’s a Simple but Unbelievable Truth about what are women attracted to that will help you attract MORE Women…INSTANTLY!!! This is a concept that MOST men don’t “get” or understand, and as a consequence they don’t attract the women they desire. It is a simple concept when you know it, but the reason so many men miss out on this KEY bit of knowledge is that it is SO FAR FROM WHAT YOU WOULD EXPECT that it seems to DEFY LOGIC.
It seems TOO CRAZY TO BE TRUE! In fact, most men will go their whole lives without learning and understanding the secret of what are women attracted to!
What you’re about to learn took me YEARS to work out…although it seems that what women are attracted to has remained the same for thousands of years. You see, us men are very “simple” creatures when it comes to attraction. We can take one look at a woman for less than a second and know IMMEDIATLEY if we are attracted to her or not. Also, if she is sweet and nice to us, we figure she is attracted to us. That’s logical right?! This is how I THOUGHT attraction worked for women too.
I thought that if I had the best clothes, an expensive watch, a nice car and lived in a nice house that women would be attracted to me. I thought that if did nice things for her, took her out for dinners and on dates, bought her flowers and chocolates that she would want to be my girlfriend. I thought that if I treated a girl like a princess that she would find me irresistible. How could she not?!
I tried all of these things and all that would happen is the girl would take my dinners, flowers and chocolates and either never call me again at all, or tell me that ‘she just wanted to be friends’. This was disheartening to say the least!
One day I got to thinking and this was a real turning point for me. I had noticed something that didn’t seem to make any “logical” sense.
What it was is that SOME of my friends seemed to be naturally successful at attracting women and I had always wondered what it was that they were ‘doing’. Some of these naturally successful guys weren’t even “good looking” or “rich” or any of the other “stereotypical” things that I THOUGHT attracted women. This led me to think there must be something BEYOND looks and money that women are attracted to.
This led me to the following important realisation that changed the course of my life:
I had been looking at attracting women from a MAN’S perspective instead of a WOMAN’S perspective. I needed to learn how women think about attraction before I could fully understand what women are attracted to. Seems so simple right?! Not really!!!
I began to spend a lot of time studying everything from human behaviour and psychology to body language to try and find out anything that I thought would unlock the secrets of what women are really attracted to. I started to relate my new knowledge to what my naturally successful friends were “doing” and what I found was so ALARMING that I couldn’t believe it!
Men are instantly attracted by predominantly PHYSICAL attributes in a woman, whereas WOMEN are more attracted by a man’s PERSONALITY!!!
WOMEN are attracted to a MAN they interact with if he displays certain PERSONALITY TRAITS and QUALITIES. Maybe read the previous sentence a few times to make sure you understand it. That’s it!!! Finally it all made sense! How could I have missed this for so many years?!
Now I was dismissive of this at first. How could women be attracted to a guy without being worried about his looks or job or car etc? But then I realised that is how a man would think. Men are very logical.
Women are more governed by their emotions than their logical minds. They make decisions based on what “FEELS RIGHT” at the time. Then they rationalise those emotions and feelings so they can assign meanings to them and make sense of them.
For example: If a woman is having fun with a man, she will want to keep experiencing those emotions, and won’t be thinking logically about his looks or job or car. She will find the man attractive because of the way he makes her FEEL! Then she will rationalise herself feeling these good emotions when she is with him as meaning she is attracted to him.
COMMON SENSE DISCLAIMER: Am I saying good looks, clothes, height, money, job, car, fame, age etc have no absolutely bearing on a woman being attracted to a man? No.
What I AM SAYING is that they are NOT AS IMPORTANT as most men believe they are.
WOMEN and MEN are attracted in very different ways
MEN are more attracted to PHYSICAL attributes
WOMEN are more attracted to a man’s PERSONALITY and the FEELINGS she feels when she’s with him
WOMEN are governed by their EMOTIONS. They make decisions on what “FEELS RIGHT” at the time and then they will rationalise meanings based on those feelings.
This is GREAT NEWS FOR MEN!!!
It means you don’t need to be rich or good looking etc to be able to attract women. You simply need to understand how to generate the right emotions in a woman so she will rationalise herself being attracted to you. Now you can understand why some guys who aren’t rich or good looking etc have amazing success with women. They are practicing what you’ve just learnt! Any man who knows this can learn how to attract women! He can make HUGE improvements in his success with women regardless of his age, looks, how much money he has etc.
You finally got the opportunity to go on a first date with that special woman AND YOU BLEW IT!
WHAT WENT WRONG!?!?
There are actually some fundamental differences in the ways men and women approach dating, particularly first dates. Understanding these differences will help make sure you never needlessly mess up another date again!
MEN see a first date as a huge opportunity. It very well could be! If you are like most guys, it can take you a while to build up the courage to ask a woman out on a first date. And THEN there’s the question of “will she say yes?”
Men put a lot of pressure on themselves to not “screw it up”. This pressure is often the reason men make a bad impression on a first date. They are become so nervous that they can’t possibly relax. They say and do stupid things because they are so “on edge”.
These behaviours are often detected by the woman and she will feel uncomfortable with the man, essentially destroying the chance of her wanting to see him again.
WHY IS THIS?
When a man asks a woman on a first date, often he has already decided he likes a woman enough that he would want her to be his girlfriend or wife or lover if the date goes well. If a man “screws up” a date, he can actually sometimes FEEL like he’s lost a girlfriend or wife or lover, even if that outcome was not even certain to begin with!
Because a man feels like this “projected future” with the woman is on the line when he goes on a date with her, most men will go on dates and feel like their every move and every word is being judged by the woman. They will be in a high state of nervousness and tension for the whole date because they are worried that if they make a single “wrong move” or “say the wrong thing” that the woman will instantly leave, or not return their calls or messages etc.
It is as though the man is trying to demonstrate that he is worthy of the woman. A man will often “try to impress” a woman on a date. It is as though he is a salesman “selling himself” to the woman. You could call the way the man is acting above the “seller role”.
WOMEN on the other hand see first dates very differently.
Although a woman may be curious enough about a man to go on a first date with him, she sees it more like an interview. A woman will decide DURING a date if they like the man enough to want to CONTINUE seeing him for further dates, or as a boyfriend, husband or lover etc.
For a WOMAN, going on a first date with a man DOES NOT mean that she has decided that she wants to see him again.
A woman will feel MUCH LESS pressure and stress on a date because she hasn’t decided on the man yet, so she is not so worried about her own actions. She has nothing to lose. She feels like she doesn’t have the man yet, so if the date goes badly, she is in the same position. She only stands to gain.
If the guy does something she doesn’t like, she may see it as a reason not to see him again.
If she has a lot of fun with the guy and she gets a “good feeling” from spending time with him, she will naturally want to spend more time with him and see him on future occasions.
If the man is acting as “the seller”, this effectively makes the woman the decision maker. The woman becomes the person who decides whether the “merchandise” is good enough to buy. In this case, of course, the “merchandise” is the man she’s going on the date with, and “buying” means deciding to continue seeing him. You could say the woman is in the “buyer role”.
The dynamic of these two very different approaches to dating between men and women is often the reason why so many guys mess up their first dates, and often subsequent dates too if they even get that far!
HOW DOES A MAN PLAYING THE “SELLER ROLE” SCREW UP THE DATE?
For a man to play “the seller”, he actually FEEDS INTO the woman’s role of being “the buyer”. The man acting like he needs to prove his worthiness to the woman sends signals to her that she is the decision maker and that he is the one being “judged” as to whether HE is “good enough” for HER.
The more he “tries to impress” or “say/do the right thing” to show he is “good enough” for the woman, the more nervous and uncomfortable he becomes. This behaviour causes the man to say and do stupid things because he’s too concerned about the outcome of the date to make a normal, relaxed impression. This ruins the date experience for the woman, and I’m sure it can’t be much fun for the man in this situation either. Especially if he really liked the woman and he never hears from her again!
THIS IS ACTUALLY VERY IRONIC!!!
The MORE the man tries to make a good impression, the LESS of a good impression he actually makes.
WHAT IS THE SOULUTION?!
The solution is quite simple! Sort of…
Instead of playing “the seller”, ACTUALLY BECOME THE BUYER!
The truth of the situation is that MOST women are NOT a suitable match for you. MOST of them will have things about them that will eventually annoy the heck out of you and in most cases will result in you not seeing each other anymore.
Part of the fun of dating is to find the women you have the best natural chemistry with. By ACTUALLY BEING THE BUYER, you can go on dates with women coming from the position that YOU are screening HER to see if SHE meets YOUR standards for a girlfriend, wife or lover etc.
HOW DOES THIS SOLVE THE PROBLEM?
By actually becoming the buyer, you essentially remove the VAST MAJORITY of your nervousness and un-natural behaviours from your dates.
I’m sure that around friends and family you are a normal, well-adjusted person. Most people would probably get along with you and enjoy your company. This is because when you are with them, you aren’t all worked up and nervous because you don’t feel like your every move or every word is being analysed or judged. You aren’t worried that your friends, family members or co-workers won’t want to see you anymore because you were just being yourself and not trying to impress them.
By being the buyer you aren’t so attached to the outcome of the date, and you can be your usual, relaxed self. This is what women mean when they say “BE YOURSELF”.
HOW DO I “ACTUALLY BECOME THE BUYER”
The first step is awareness.
Now you’ve read the above you can now see where you went wrong on dates in the past. This will prevent you from slipping back into the seller role as you will notice if your actions change back to your old, nervous behaviours.
SOME WAYS OF BEING THE BUYER ON A DATE INCLUDE:
- Asking the woman “qualifying questions” to see if she meets your criteria
- AT NO POINT trying to impress her or seeking approval from her.
- Being playfully teasing of her
- Not “hanging on her every word”
Now get out there and go try out your new dating toolkit!
Want to know how to meet women in bars and clubs?
Bars and clubs are great places to meet women because they are often frequented by lots of fun, single women who are out to have a good time and meet new people.
When meeting women in a bar or club it is VITALLY IMPORTANT to immediately set yourself apart from the usual boring guys that approach them. Because bars and clubs often have a lot more going on, you need to be able to get AND HOLD her attention to avoid being blown away by the next guy.
One of the best ways to do this is to AVOID THE USUAL BORING CONVERSATION!
Avoid topics such as work, the weather, politics, religion, business, family etc. Even if she brings these things up, or you get onto the topic by mistake, try and get back onto some fun topics right away, and maybe even playfully tease her for talking about the usual boring topics.
SOME TIPS FOR AVOIDING BORING CONVERSATIONS
- Point out something exciting or bizarre that you saw recently, like a girl walking round the club with her dress tucked into her underwear, or toilet paper stuck to her shoes.
- Set up a playful scenario that involves you and her, such as telling her you are going to steal her away aboard your pirate ship, and make her scrub your decks and cook your meals, but you will promote her to first mate if she does a good job.
- Get her to tell you the best joke she knows and that it has to be funny. This makes her work for your approval.
- Make up nicknames for each other. Choose something about her and make up a funny nickname for her based on it. For example, if you met a girl who was wearing a red jacket with a hood, you could call her Red Riding Hood (I’ve actually done this)
- Get her to tell you her deepest darkest secret and promise never to tell anyone. Tell her if she tells you hers, you will tell her yours.
HOW TO “RULE THE CONVERSATION”
Women in bars and clubs sometimes have their guard up from meeting so many boring guys in a row. This can mean she will give you an attitude at first. If you can be patient with this and not let it get to you, or better still turn her attitude back onto her so she looks silly or you look clever, she will feel a huge amount of attraction towards you.
Here are a few examples on how to do this:
- If she tries to get you to do something for her, ask her what she will do in return. You can decide from how good her answer is if you will comply with her initial request or not.
- If she calls you a jerk or a sleaze etc, ask her what it is that she likes so much about these qualities.
- If she brags to you about something, tell her you think it’s cute that she’s trying to impress you.
These above examples are designed to show her that you aren’t just another walkover, boring guy and that she has to work for your approval. This will cause her to be extremely attracted to you and can even get HER chasing YOU!
You should always be playfully teasing and fun when using these types of responses and have the intention of making sure BOTH of you have a great time together. A smile goes a long way and will let her know not to take your teasing the wrong way.
If you want to know more about how to meet women then check out this video: