Do you wish you knew how to overcome fear of approaching a girl?
Do you get nervous or afraid when you think about approaching beautiful girls? Maybe you freeze up and feel paralysed and hold yourself back? This article is for you if you want to learn how to overcome fear of approaching a girl so you can start conversations with the beautiful girls who have previously seemed out of reach.
The reason I’m writing this article is because of a recent experience with a new client in Auckland New Zealand where he was experiencing MASSIVE fear of approaching a girl. Because it was the first time we had worked together, he didn’t yet appreciate the accuracy of the advice I gave him at the start of our training about overcoming fear of approaching a girl. As a result he spent most of our training in a state of fear and discomfort, and was paralysed and unable to approach the girls he was attracted to.
After immense persistence from myself and refusing to let him quit multiple times, he did step up and face his fear and was able to overcome his fear of approaching a girl
What was interesting is that when we spoke afterwards, he confirmed what I had told him beforehand:
- “It was easier than I thought”
- “It was much worse resisting it than when I just went and did it”
So what was the advice I gave him before the training about how to overcome fear of approaching a girl that he failed to take?
It was about the ‘Fear Equation’. Or as I think of it:
F (fear) = I (inexperience) x T (time)
As you can see from the equation, a requirement for fear to grow and exist is time. Time to fear is like oxygen to a fire. If you take away oxygen from a fire it will smoulder and eventually go out. By minimising the time we take from when we first see a beautiful girl to when we start to make an approach, we can actually minimise the amount of fear we create and need to overcome. The opposite is true when we delay our approach. When we fail to act quickly, we allow fear to grow to a level that prevents us from taking any action at all.
Are You Even a Fearful Person?
Often we judge ourselves and our identity based on our past life experiences. For example, if in the past you would usually put off approaching beautiful girls till you got so afraid that you wouldn’t do it, then you might assume that you are a fearful person.
When you take that action repeatedly it becomes somewhat of an autopilot response and your default behaviour becomes to be afraid of, and to avoid talking to beautiful women.
Additionally you might begin to believe you are a fearful person as your results indicate that to be the case. Although you may feel, believe, take the actions of and get the results of a fearful person, this doesn’t mean you are a fearful person. The truth is at any time you could consciously override your default thoughts and feelings and do it anyway IN SPITE of the fear. This is where experience comes into play.
You’ll notice in the graph that the three competency levels of beginner, intermediate and experienced are plotted. You’ll also notice that even the experienced level still faces a level of fear that grows with time, although they do not reach the threshold where they become paralysed with fear.
What happens is that they have so many past experiences where they have felt nervous or afraid and taken action promptly IN SPITE of that feeling of fear, that they now have more mental resources available to keep calmer and override their fear because they know from experience that they will be ok.
So what can you do if you’re a beginner and don’t have lots of experiences to draw on?
1 – Know that time is your biggest enemy and act immediately before fear has a chance to take hold!
This was historically referred to as ‘The 3 Second Rule’. Meaning you need to make your approach within 3 seconds of first seeing the girl you want to approach in order to make sure you act before your fear response can fully develop
2 – Become ‘Process Driven’
Most men focus on the outcome of their interactions with women and forget that they are dealing with people and that they can never 100% control the outcome. Don’t approach with outcome based intentions such as to get a phone number or to kiss a girl. Instead try to focus on the process that’s involved that you’re in control of that will yield the results that you want, such as:
- Did I approach immediately?
- Did I have good body language?
- Did I touch her as soon as I met her?
3 – Give yourself 3 ‘Warm-ups’
Most guys put way too much pressure on themselves when they are out meeting women. They try and do everything perfectly the first time, and beat themselves up when they don’t get the result that they want. This unrealistic expectation is one of the biggest sources of anxiety and fear
Let go of the need to get it right first time, every time. Give yourself 3 approaches at the start of every session that ‘don’t count’. This way you get to be more relaxed and focus on getting into a social mood instead of beating yourself up about every little detail
As you can imagine, since beginning my journey of being naturally successful with women back in early 2008, I have created countless other tools, tips, systems and strategies that I have available in helping men overcome their fear of approaching women, although I can only cover so much in this article.
If you would like to know more about how we can help you with your Confidence, Dating and Relationships contact us now for a FREE & confidential 10 minute consultation